Babe . it's almost 2.30am right now . and yeah this owl decided to be awake right noww . instead of studying , im enjoying my so-called 'QUALITY TIME' on the youtube . like all the time . ohmyyy im screwed . conass in 2 weeks time and i know almost nothing . why are you being so lazy-bump ?!!!! nak lagi rasa dapat D ke ? haihhhhhhhh bila lahh nak berubah . okay dah boleh start rasa nak lempang diri sendiri .
hmmm you , my BFF . i read your blog just a while ago . without any reason , i know that the post is meant for me . ahaaa bingo . i know im a bad friend . but , i want you to know that i have my reason to do that . im not going to deny anything . yeah it's all my fault . a friend should not do what im currently doing right now . but i did . yeahhh , it takes a lot of courage to do so , you know ! you don't know how hurt i am to not be able to pick-up your call , to reply your text . it feels kinda hell . but , i need you to be strong . i need you to be stronger than i used to be , darling .
lemme tell you one story . back when i was a lil child , im not a favorable person . even until now , i think . but yeahh , now im getting used to it . so , who cares though ? it's my life anyway . when i was a lil girl , im very fat , my skin color is so dark , i have no confidence at all . who should i blame when i have my childhood memory as suck as that ? no one . because maybe that's my fate . so , move on . one day , i went to call abah . out of sudden , this one boy , throw a baby-fist sized stone right at my head . it hurt me so bad ! and yes , i cried . i went to abang and whined everything in tears . and i got this as he replied , "yang kau lembik sangat kenapa ? padan lah muka . sikit-sikit nak nanges . sampai bila pun budak tak nak hormat dekat kau ." and he went away just like that . and i was like , why he behaved like so ? he should protect me when nobody else didn't ! he should be the one i could rely on , but he acted as if it's nothing . at that time , i hated him for not protect me , not defend me , and not stay by my side .
TAPI , on the same day , when im about to go home , that guy who threw the stone to me earlier , he came to me and apologized . he said abang confronted him . and if he dare to hurt me again , my brother's gonna kill him . at that time , i realised what kind of abang i have . at home , i asked him , "kenapa abang biarkan kita sorang-sorang ? kenapa abang tak pujuk kita ?" and he answered as simple as this : "pokok yang besar , kuat dan kukuh itu berdiri tegak kerana apa ? kerana AKAR dia SENDIRI . tak macam pokok yang LEMAH , yang terpaksa menumpang , berpaut dekat pokok lain . kalau pokok yang dia tumpang tuh mati ? then dia tak mampu buat apa-apa melainkan cari pokok lain atau mati . i don't want you to be like that ever ! please be strong !" and at that moment , i realized that he purposely left me untreated , physically and emotionally , so that i can have my own space to build up my strength , SENDIRI . and since that , i know i have to be strong so that pepel will respect me .
sorry sayang , maybe aku terpaksa buat kau macam nehh . maybe sekarang kau rasa aku ignorant , tak pedulikan kau , aku takde bila kau perlukan aku sangat-sangat . aku mintak maaf . tapi sebenarnya itu gakk ape yang aku rasa dulu masa abang aku buat aku macam nehh . sama . serupa . tapi , percayalah , satu hari nanti kau akan faham kenapa aku buat kau macam nehhh . bukan aku tak sayang kau , bukan aku tak pedulikkan kau , tapi aku buat macam nehh , sebab aku sayang sangat dekat kau and aku harap sangat kau akan bangkit dan jadi lebih kuat dari aku . kau tak pernah jauh dari hidup aku . you're always with me . right here in every prays . satu hari nanti , bila kau dah cukup kuat , aku harap kau akan faham ape yang aku maksudkan . love you , Emira . :')
Bad 'chingu' ,
Fitrah Ilyana .
