DISCONSOLATE DREAMER

For attractive lips ,

speak words of kindness .

For lovely eyes ,

seek out the good in people .

For a slim figure ,

share your food with the hungry .

And for poise ,

walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone .

Dear Allah ,

please give me the strength to spread my wings - the courage to leap and to fly .

Limiting factor ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

REVEALING TIME :)

Babe ! ko saje jea nak tagged aku questions2 yang cepu gangsa , cepu besi neyh kan ? naseb baek ko duduk jauh . oleh kerana ta mahu menghampakan harapan setinggi gunung kau tuh , aku jawab gaklahh soklan neyh dengan seIKHLAS hati dan seJUJUR mungkin seperti yang kau pinta . cehhh sukalahh tuh fifi oyy ! ngeeeeeee :DD


Guys , tutup mata anda kalau taknak baca jwapan merapu dari fitrahilyana :)


1. What i'm really bad at...
- cooking ! huahua . kalau taknak dapur rumah anda rentung , jangan suruh saya masak . tapi , saya akan belajar untuk jadi a good cook one day . :)


2. The one person whose arm i'd like to be in...
- satu jea ? tak boleh lebih ? then the answer would be my abah . no doubt .


3. My first best date..
- mestilah date saya dilahirkan . 23rd march 1993 . that's the beginning of everything . (saketnya lahh hati bila fitrahilyana buat-buat lurus kan ? ngeee)


4. A description of my self-esteem...
- i'm only confident when i think my appearance looks good .


5. Who my best friends are...
- ramai kowt ! takan nak sebut satu-satu . heee . u guys know who i mean . all of you are my best friends .


6. My favourite book...
- all my reference book . haa tipu ! tipu ! hahaha . belum abes ckp lahh . it supposed to be my favourite , but unfortunately , i admire my love novels more . :)


7. A description about my best friend...
- Superb !


8. My favourite animal...
- I would prefer rabbit than cat . heeeee sape tawu cerita , please diam yeh !


9. Someone i miss...
- someone ke something neyh ? hahaha . amy , atin , naeimah , aku rindu korang !


10. The reason behind my last break up..
- barang yang lepas jangan dikenang . ehh aku penah break up ke ? hahaha :DD


11. What i did yesterday ?
- berulit dengan segala mcm phylum and kingdom . ape tuh ? tanya pakcik google . heeee


12. What my greatest achievements are ?
- 11A's SPM , best student PMR . anymore ? coming soon :)


13. A description of the person i dislike the most..
- Mama ckp sy tak boleh benci org . so , i have no one to be described . harap maklum .


14. My favourite song right now
- Dari default song blog sayeeee pun dah tau kan ? heeee . currently addicted to Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts .


15. All of the pets i've ever had
- Fish (es) . tapi dah mati sebab saya excited bagi dia mkn byk-byk biar cepat besar . hakhak .


16. Favourite flavour of ice-cream
- Vanilla Musk ! ooops , tuh perfume saya . silap silap . heeee vanilla lahhh .


17. The one place i want to be right now
- Somebody bring me to i-City pleaseeeeee ?


18. The meanest thing anyone has ever said to me
- Kalau diingat menimbulkan dendam . sooo , just let it go . takmau ingat dahhh .


19. Where i have lived before
- Now , saya tinggal kat UM . dulu ,,,, kat Seremban lahhh . (dasar lupa diri . hahaha)


20. I'll love you if...
- you love me as who i am and realize the weaknesses inside of me , yet still want to accept me . (jiwang ke aku ?)


21. What are my future plans ?
- Nak jadi doktor pakar kanak-kanak terbaik di dunia bolehh ? heeeee


22. An internal conflicts i have with myself
- banyak sangat ! setiap hari kita berhadapan dengan konflik . sooo , idup kita tak penah lari dari membuat pilihan .


23. What i'm doing tomorrow ?
- study lahh . mid sem exam mggu depan sayang ! jangan buat-buat lupa ehh .


24. What i want to be when i get older
- wanita , isteri , mama dan nenek terbaek . :) (ececeh tak boleh blah dgr impian dy kan ? heee)


25. Most embarassing moment
- OMG ! malu lahh nak ingat balek ! tutup muka cepat . hahaha . bila jalan salah step and nak tersungkur sampai nak peluk anak org ! apehal kau ilyana ? hahaha .


26. Two of my insecurities
- saya tak suka org pandang saya sambil senyum-senyum , bisik-bisik dgn kwn dy . i can't stop thinking of what they feel about me . it will distract my mood for the whole day .
- jangan tanya aku 'betul ke.......?' aku takkan bwat lagi benda tuhhh . haha


27. What i would do if i won the lottery ?
- bagi balek dwet tuh , cakap "awk salah org eh ? saya bukan orangnya . neyh kan haram ."


28. A description of the boy i like
- payahnya soalan ! kalau ckp pasal jehan miskin boleh tak ? hakhak .


29. What i love most about myself
- ape ea ? haha . saya suka senyum , buat iklan colgate . sooo , at least , setiap hari ada sedekah jariah yg saya buat untuk org laen kan ? maybe the smile will enlighten other's day . mana tau . heheeee


30. How many kids i want in the future ?
- neyh kena bincang dengan future hubby dulu baru decide . hahaha . dgr lahh jwapan gediks ilyana neyh . ntah sape-sape future hubby dy . mrepek jea tahu . haha


31. My idea of a perfect date
- to spend the whole day with the beloved one . simple ! its not the place or the scenery that matter . its actually spending time with the people you love the most that matter . (abaikan jawapan itu ! haha)


32. What i'm really good at ?
- memujuk makcu keluar buang maseeee ! huhuhuhu . gebang semata-mata tuhh .


33. Most traumatic experience
- when it comes to the CAT thingy ! haha


34. Where i would like to live ?
- home ? with all the people i love . :)


35. The nicest thing anyone's ever said to me
- mama once said : you're getting more matured . (speechless . is it ma ?)


36. Do i like where i am now ?
- yes i do . everything happened for a reason kan ? Allah dah tentukan segalanya . aku bersyukur .


37. What can i hear right now ?
- sahutan anjing . OMG its so scary !


38. My relationship with my sibling(s)
- as it should be . air dicincang takkan putus .


39. My biggest worry currently
- boleh ke aku jawab mid sem neyh nanti ? ohhh tidak !


40. Something i've wished for repeatedly
- Ya Allah , permudahkan mama ku menghabiskan pHd nya . nak 4.00 flat boleh tak ? ngeeee .


41. My relationship with my parents
- its the blood-bond that will tied up forever . :) they're my everything .


42. What word make me the best about myself ?
- Fitrah Ilyana . the name describes the whole me .


43. Something i should have said a long time ago .
- i'm sorry mama . i've been hurting you a lot .


44. What my last text message say ?
- alaa ko saje nak korek rahsia aku kan fifi ! "................... nyte2 ! " hahaha rahsia lahh babe . ngeee .


45. What i hate most about myself ?
- pmpuan neyh manje nyeeee lahhh . Subhanallah . haha mentang-mentang dy sorg anak pmpuan . manje nyee terlebih . so ? aku tak kacau org kan . bia lahhh . heee


46. What words upset me the most ?
- "Whatever" , "Pape lah hai" dan sewaktu dengannya . if ko nak buat acuh tak acuh dengan aku , please get yourself out of my life .


47. What i hated the most about school ?
- Co-curricular activities ! yes i do hate co-co very much . dats why markah co-co pmpuan neyh dulu 78.50 jea . selalu fly co-co , ceramah smueee . haha . soooo , jgn ikut habit tak baik senior anda neyh yek . nanti menyesal . sekian .


Dah fifi , puas hati ? hahaha . aku nak sleep now boleh kan ? its 3am already . heeee . so night peeps . love you guys ! mmuah ! mmuah ! ohh ye , sila lupakan segala kemerepekan di atas . :D

HANYA INGIN KAU TAHU

Diri ini serasa tidak berdaya untuk melangkah lagi .
Tubuh badan ini meragui kemampuan dirinya menongkah badai .
Jiwa ini tidak pasti adakah dia mampu menggenggam sebuah harapan .
Mampukah impian itu ku renggut ?
Mampukah bintang itu ku gapai ?
Mampukah fantasi menjadi realiti ?
Apabila hakikat yang sebenarnya tidak begitu indah seperti mimpi-mimpi malamku .
Ya Allah , berikan aku secebis kekuatan-Mu .

Desahan hati ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

:'(

Babe ! tears seemed to love me a lot tuday . thankyou tears . u bathed my fluffy cheeks again . afta numerous time before , i know . why my world getting more miserable day after day ? i tried to remain calm , i tried to carve a smile , i tried to be strong , even i tried deadly to be super-duper coooool . unfortunately , every single things looked sooo fake ilyana . u wish ! instead of all the heavy-thunderstorm-tutorials and notes to catch up , the incoming-mid-sem-exam really made this young lady going down to earth . yes , i know i sound so weak right now . but who cares aite ? can u imagine u can catch up every syllabus within this one week ? AT HOME ? u are so amazing if you can do it dude . i guess i'm not the lucky one in this matter . pffffftttttt , its enuff ilyana . can you just stay strong and keep fighting like you used to do long time ago rather than crying and sighing all around ? =.=' OMG , i think i should just move on and keep stepping till the end . don't ever give up ilyana . this is not the full stop yet . your journey is still far . continue moving towards it even you have to crawl ! please girl , go against this stupid-useless feelings ! ALLAH is always there right ? remember HIM and everything will be just fine . sayang ku ilyana , even if no one care about you , you know that i will stay here supporting you fer every second of my life . i promise . :)

Dear heart , please understand the brain . it has to work a lil bit overtime . even if not all the time , i beg you just for this whole 2 weeks please . no hard feelings . empty the recycle bin of those rubbish damn feelings , can you ? i would appreciate it so much . thank you .

P/S : zul , thankyou best friend . and i really mean it . thanks fer being there with me through all the tears just now . :)

Andai hari esok ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

MUMBLING MUMBLING :)

Babe ! hasrat hati nak type cket2 jea malam neyh . but i don't know if it really happen as i wish . :DD

doakan saya tak overtyping okie dokie ? u know fitrahilyana very well kan ? ngeeee -.-

currently , this girl is having her full 'LEISURE-TIME-MID-SEM-HOLS' laaaa sangat ! best kan ? best kan ? mcm best jerw denga dapat cuti mid sem . seminggu plak tuh . physically , it sounds great . yea , it was holidays as well kan ? but the true fact is , this mid-sem break is actually the study week for every single person of ASASIANS oke ! haaa amek kau ! benam kepala dalam kolam siap-siap ilyana . tak sedar diri lagi tuh tak start-start study lagi . dah masuk monday dah neyh . tak hengat result test physics ko yg mcm sampah ry tuh ? so you better work hard now lady ! don't worry gentlemen , i will open up my book since tomorrow . that's guaranteed ! weeeeeeee . ayat nak poyo jea . buat taktau lagi . hahaha . ini bukan cubaan ye ! ini betol-betol . esok sy start study and will put 200% efforts to finish my beloved tutorial ! pffffttttttt -.-'' i love you deary tutorials .

last few weeks ? it was extremely exhausted and need my extra 110% attention to grab and catch up everything . semua sedia maklum yg minah nama fitrahilyana neyh sangatlahhhh rajin sekali kan ? hahaha . so last-min-work-out itu memang habit dy . lumrah hidup dy lah tuh terkejar-kejar siapkan keje bagai-bagai . pas tuh tak siap , tensyen tak tentu hala . so jangan salahkan sesiapa tahu . dia punya internal problem sendiri , i guess . terlebih adventure . huuuuu . but , i manage to get through all the pains and tears . yeaaaa ! give me a big clap ! yuuuhuuuu . giloo !

last friday , takde muet class ! haa heaven kan ? byk masa freee . weeee . mulalah buat keje gile kan pmpuan neyh . plan dgn sep nak kua afta tutorial math kul 9.30 pegy mid tgk wayang . ceh KONON ! sekali abes tutorial kul 9.30am , sambung plak dengan farewell speech dari sir adam a.k.a demo bio tercinta . ayat taley blah kan ? abaikan abaikan ! ngeeeeee . this young charming man demo bio kami neyh memang boleh pegang title the most eligible bachelor dekat U1 ! wakaka . series dy sangat hensem and charming ! sampai bergaduh2 dengan shahirah , alia , pqa , amal semua sebab semua nak pegy aussie ikowt dieee ! hahaha . termasuklahhh aku kan , si gediks neyh . hakhak . fyi , sir adam neyh nak fly gy aussie sambung phd dy dalam biochem (plant) . gile kan ? genius abes mamat neyh . padanlah dgn muka nerd dy tuhhh . ngeee sorry sir . but after all , dy memang sempoi habes . we will miss you sir adam jalaluddin . :)

okay ilyana , jangan berangan lagik . dy dah engaged yek ! back on earth ! hahahaha okay dokie ! smbung cite balek . heee

lepas borak-borak dgn sir adam + nasehat-nasehat bernas dy tuh (bernas lahh sangat) + gelak tawa riang ria + snap-captcha-photo-session , about 11am . OMG dah lambat lahh plak nak pegy tgk wayang kan . sbb kul 3 ada klas lagi . tapi disebabkan nak gak jadi adventurous , this girl kua gak dlm kul 11.30am dgn sep and farah , tutor-mate . heeeee mengadeeeee dy neyh kan ? memang ponnn . meroyan bena nak letak tapak kaki kat mid uh . mcm tak penah pegy . tampar jea . haha . tapi tak tgk wayang pun . sep bawak pegy makan kedai best . and it was really delicious sep ! time kaceh ! nanti sy bawak makcu sy pegy mkn situ tau ! tau ! macha ngamuk pegy mid tak tunggu dieee . heeee . gy test market jerw tuh . next time , kite pegy together-gether okay ? :) bukan pegy mana pun , rayau-rayau window shopping and mkn jea . ohhh ! jumpe syafiqah hasnan ! hahahaha . keciknyee duniaa . tak sangka giler ! then about pukul 1.30 naek ktm balek UM . kul 2.30 kowt sampai UM , rushing2 siap then pegy kuliahhh . heeee . one secret ! saya tewas waktu algebra ! kepenatan maybe . :DD

wahhh dah panjang kan ? lupa diri diee neyh dah ! hehehe . okay2 cket jerw lagi neyh ! summary2 !

first , roommate saya dah kembali . emira ezuna , jangan brany tinggalkan fitrahilyana lagi tahu ! aku tak rela tinggal sorang-sorang dalam blik . haha :D

second , saya nak bagitahu saya balik kampung tadi . mcm biasa lahhh , kait rambutan , makan durian and tambah satu aktiviti baru . woot ! woot ! ilyana mandi sungai tadiiiii ! suke suke ! hahahaha . thnx cik jep , bawak kami mandi sungai . ngeeeee rindu kampung sangat2 !

third , rindu dendam sy dengan baby haikal dah terbalas tadi . adek love you sayang . mmuah mmuah !

fourth , kolej kediaman raja dr. nazrin shah , saya balik khamis nanti tau ! tunggu saya . heeeeeee . mcm bagus jea nak balek ary khamis die neyh . skaly ary ahad baru jenguk muka . kan ilyana kan ? kenal sangat dahh awak tuhhh . :)

fifth , ilyana nak bagitahu dia sayang semua orang yang ada around dia . so , i love you guys ! ♥♥♥

sixth , dia sibuk sayang orang , dia lupa bahawa dia tak start study langsung . omaigod , i guess i got to go by now . soooo , bye peeps ! love ya . mmuah ! mmuah !

Bila  rindu ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

ITS HARD TO SAY GOODBYE

Babe ! omaigod nape malam neyh sayu sgt rasanya . stars seemed to be so shy to show the beauty of themselves . i guess they understand the inner feelings inside myself . aduhhhh . payahnya berdepan dgn perpisahan . memanglahh betul setiap pertemuan pasti berakhir dengan perpisahan . but ntah kenapa aku rasa aku tak bersedia lagi untuk itu . i never expected yang pertemuan kita akan berakhir secepat ini . aku sangat terasa kehilangan kau , sayang . emira ezuna , roommate pertama aku selepas makcu . sungguh aku sedih babe . ko dah janji nak tunggu aku balik dulu . aku tak sempat nak peluk ko , nak ckp take care kat ko , nak mintak maaf kat ko , nak suh ko blaja baek2 , smue aku tak sempat babe . aku terkilan sgt-sgt . tadi masa aku balek pun ko tidow . aku tahu aku tak berhak paksa ko untuk stay . sbb ko pergi to grab your bright future . aku faham tuh . tapi at least bagi aku peluang jupe ko for the last time boleh kan ? i can't imagine bila aku balik ahad nanti , katil ko dah kosong , meja ko dah takde buku bersepah2 , gambar2 ko dah takde . Ya Allah sedeyhnya aku . kite tak sempat pun nak snap pict berdua dalam bilik kan ? tuh request ko ary tuh . aku ingat lagi . babe , lepas neyh sape nak teman aku stay buat tutorial sampai 3,4 pagi ? sape nak buat keje gila skype dgn aku mlm2 ? sape nak ajar aku kalau aku tak faham ? sape nak buat kepoh dgn aku malam2 ? yg penting , sape nak kejutkan aku bgn pagi ? jam loceng pink telinga besar dah takde dahh lepas neyh . sape nak dengar semua masalah hati dan perasaan aku ? sape nak join aku ngutuk and gelakkan org tyme kuliah ? babe , 2 months sharing bilik dgn ko was a great moments . aku takkan penah lupa yg aku ada a wonderful best friend mcm ko . do take care there . jangan lupakan aku , jangan lupakan persahabatan kita . lepas neyh aku kena lahh pergi toilet awal2 sbb takde sape nak teman aku gy toilet kul 3 setengah pagi lagi dahh . ko idup baek2 kat sana okay . seremban jea kan ? nanti ada rezeki aku dtg jupe ko kat sana okie ? i'm gonna miss you so much dear . sesungguhnya kehilangan ini sangat menyakitkan . Ya Allah , salurkan kekuatan-Mu untukku . tears , please be nice . mira , aku dah start rindu ko sayangggg ! :'(

Been so hectic . be strong ilyana . you will survive .

nyte world~

BOYFIE BARU SAYEEE

Babe ! saya saja menggedik tahap giga nak bagitahu yang saya telah menaip post sampah ini untuk merasmikan my new boyfie . so abaikan tindakan tak berapa bijak wanita chumel ini . :DD

P/S : perempuan , tutorial ko dah siap ? report kimia dah sempurna ? physics lab dah tgk ? oh-aim-jeee ! i'm afraid the answer is NOOOO ! so , jangan nak jadi orang lupa diri fitrahilyana . ngeeeee

lupa siape saya ?

Fitrah Ilyana .