Ti aMo ?

Babe , sometimes i asked myself . what do i want actually ? i want to believe in it all again ; in music and art , in faith and love . and i want to believe that i've made the right choices . and that i'm always on the right path . and that there's still time to fix the mistakes i've made . and after that i realized . i guess i want HOPE .

P/S : If NOTHING lasts forever , would you be my NOTHING ?

- thnx for the call . really unexpected thing from you friend ! hahaha .

- nurfadhilah , i miss you damn hard !

- amira norizan , fatin murtadza , i'm so sorry . maybe i neglected you all this while . but believe me , i never meant to do that to you . i love you . and i really do . i am so sorry for being like this .

klw saya nak baby mcm neyh agak-agak boleh tak ? ;DD

Sweet memoirs ,

Fitrah Ilyana

great thought

i know i'm wrong . i know it was all my fault .

but why i was sooooo ego to ask for an apology when it comes to YOU ?

oH aDeK-aDeK !

today aku tanak start panggel babe . aku nak jerit kuat-kuat . OH ADEK-ADEKKU !!!!!! ha amek kau . satu taman boleh dgr aku jerit pggl kowg yg tak turun-turun dari pagi tadi tau tak . tolong laa den kemas umah neyh haaa . adoy . penat laa aku ke hulu ke hilir . ingat aku bibik sepenuh masa ke ? dah laa takde gaji . sabar yea laa . hahaha . neyh la akibatnya klw org yg dah kepenatan dari pagi tak duduk diam . mulut tak tumpah mcm popcorn . naseb laa kau adek-adek kena bebel dgn aku kaw-kaw ry neyh . siyesly aku penat gler . klw umah besar reban ayam takpelah jugak . korg wat ape ? terlentang tgk tv maen playstation yea ? agak-agak klw aku cmpak PS uh ke bawah mama marah tak ? dahdah ilyana . ko kan nak mengelakkan badan kau mengembang , so anggaplah tuh exercise rutin yg sehat yea ? hahaha okay reason diterima akal . ohhhh BIBIK , silalah kembali secepat mungkin yea . den nak poei kojo neyh haaa . oh baju mereka saya tak kemas lagi ! nanti mama marah ! chowww ! ;DDD

Kakak yg merana ,

Fitrah Ilyana ;))

BeCauSe i'M sTuPiD

When Elmo isn't ticklish , and Pooh Bear hates honey ,

when Tigger stop bouncing , and Goofy isn't funny ,

when Peter Pan can't fly , and Simba never roars ,

when Alice in Wonderland cannot fit through the small doors ,

when Dumbo's ears are small , and happily ever after isn't true ,

that is when i'll stop loving you ...

Minnie Mouse ,

Fitrah Ilyana

FReeDoM iS GReaT !

dah bersawang dah blog neyh . shooh ! shooh ! go away spider . i'm back !


babe ! omg , saya dah bebas ! finally . huh . okay i knew i'm late . tapi taley watpe laa . dah hakikatnya begitu . hahaha . kami SABAR lebih . ngeeee . the feeling was great ! takyah pkir soal buku-buku bagai . and all the reference book , goodbye baby ! tapi malangnya , segalanya harus dibereskan secepatnya . haish . baru nak free . okay ma , esok kita kemaskan semua buku-buku kita yg bersepah-sepah tuh . janji . last paper tadi ? Quran Sunnah ? yelaaa . saya jawab exam ary neyh dgn keadaan yang begitu tragis skaly . i had a fever , came to skewl with my pink sweater . sungguh tak cool langsung . then , abes exam , ala-ala monyet lompat-lompat dlm kelas sbb dah abes exam . pedulik ape aku . ahaha bengong . lepas tuh , suruh hazim pulangkan buku quran sunnah dgn arab aku . masuk klas , kemasmeja , bagi buku syariah kat timah suh anta kat bilik warden . thx timah ! thx hazim ! yea , sy tau sy malas lebih . lepastuh , amy panggil ckp nak pegy tangkap gambar . okay , kami pun dgn poyo nya cari place nak snap . hahaha mmg jakun abes laa . so what ? we're free babeh . hahaha . then masuk klas balek , kemas everything yang ada kat bwah meja aku . semua nota-nota cinta , luahan hati smue aku angkut bawak balik . kenangan uh . mana boleh buang . klw ikut hati , plastik gula-gula dgn coklat uh pon aku nak bawak sama . tapi nanty org ingat aku gila plak . so aku buang laa . hehe . sampai kat bwah , pegy salam-salam , peluk-peluk smue . adoy , touching laa plak . b4 aku nanges , baek aku blah dulu pegy kat keta makcu . sayu jea nak tinggalkan SHAMS . bila lagi laa agaknya aku pergi lagi skola aku tuh ea ? 5 taon aku berumahtangga kat situ , semua susah senang aku kat situ , mustahil laa nak lupa mcm tuh aje . org gila jea yg buat lupa diri mcm tuh . after all , aku sayang gak skola aku tuh . heee . then now ? aku dah officially graduated from SHAMS . aku kini bergelar Lepasan SPM atau yg lebih tepat lagi Penganggur Terhormat . hahahaha ada aku kesah ? now aku ley wat ape jea aku suka . hee abah dah tak marah lagi klw aku online lelama . mama dah tak bising lagi if aku asek tgk tv sambil texting jea manjang . and telinga aku pon dah tak saket lagi dgr adek aku membebel everytime aku nak pegy tusyen . hahah alangkah nikmatnya dunia . tapi satu jea aku risau . adakah badan aku akan semakin debab lepas hols neyh ? ayo takowtnya !!! yela klw dah namanya surirumah sepenuh masa , dah komfem2 keje aku makan dan tidow sahaja kan ? abeslaa aku . ahhh tade ! tade ! aku kan dah plan nak pegy jogging setiap pagi kan ? tak tembam nya laa . hahaha kita tgk brapa lama fitrahilyana boleh mengekalkan hasrat idopnya yg murni itu . hakhak bengong jek minah neyh . ape plan aku afta neyh ?

• driving license . sunday neyh start kowt .
• kerja ? taktau laa abah bagi ke tak .
• nak tengok drama Korea smpy muntah-muntah ! penat dah puasa neyh .
• nak baca novel yg dah bertimbun-timbun kat rak buku . fuhhhh great !
• english class ? absolutely . saya kan nak jadi minah salleh . hakhak .
• piano lesson ! my dream yg utama ! hakhak .
• what else ? tenet 24/7 ! alaa b4 neyh pon mmg cm tuh kan ? hakhak .
• lagi ? pkir dulu laa . penat dah neyh ! nty sy roger anda kemudian ! hahaha . daa !

P/S : surayabalqis , saya rindu anda ! bila nak add saya jadi blog member anda ? ngeeeeee .

SeoRaNg BuDaK iTaM

AMIRUL HELMI ,

budak legam yg tak pernah jemu untuk menyakat org .

ada jea idea yg timbul dlm kepala otak dy tuh untuk mengata aku .

" eh abg lagi tinggi laa ! berat abg agy ringan laa ! "

bluwek ! XP ada aku kesah ? yg ptg aku maintain hawt agy . ko ada ?

budak bajet seolah-olah semua artis dlm dunia neyh kenal dy .

" ehhh , abg neyh kwn SYAMSUL YUSOF taw "

quote kegemaran dye .

hadoy , jemu aku dgr .

Evolusi KL Drift ?

semua dialog dy dah hafal .

Alia , Zack ? smue kwn dy tuh . *katanya !

bila part mama suruh belajar ,

" yela maa . kejap gy abg belaja . "

tapi kejap lagi dy tuh dlm jangka masa 2 jam selepasnya .

peminat tegar Maher Zain .

beribu kali dgr pun tiada muak .

" For the rest of my life .... "

tolong laa bg mie , suara ko tak sedap !

ada abg kesah ?

tuh laa jawapannya . panas aty babe !

cukup gemar menyampuk ckp aku .

aku tak abes ckp lagi , dy dah  buat konklusi sampah dy tuh .

kang aku stapler jugak mulut budak neyh .

tapi bila ada masalah makwe .

aku gak yg dy cari .

haaa tak sudah . cari gak aku .

" alaa , ayong kan doc cinta abg " . poyo la ko !

shuffler terhebat alam maya .

klw sehari tak menggebangkan umah tak sah .

sayur sawi rebus dgn sos tiram ?

fav dy tuh . sepinggan bagak pon dy ley abeskan .

klw nak minx tolong ?

panggil aje dy . superman aku .

bg mie , tolong amekkan spec ayong kat atas !

okay ! hahah . tuh yg aku suka tuh .

last2 , dy yg kurus turun naek tangga .

aku gak yg kembang !

rambut dy ?

toksah ckp laa ! cicak jatuh tak sempat mengucap .

tercacak2 . mcm durian punya duri tuh . takde beza .

style dy ?

hancor ! seluar londeh2 . aku tarik tau laa .

" alaa tak kesah "

tau nape ? sbb dlm ada pakai seluar pendek . balek umah senang . tanggal jea jeans .

tuh mmg fiil budak pemalas . tau sgt daa .

ape lagi ea ?

cite 5o pages pun tak abes .

yg ptg AMIRUL HELMI neyh adek aku .

aku syg ko laa shemot ! (si gemok yg pggl dy begitu)

pegy PENANG baek2 !

aku doakan ko menang pertandingan shuffle ko tuh .

walaupun aku slalu jea kutuk dance ko kabut , mcm cacing kepanansan semua ,

tapi aku tetap support ko .

sbb aku tau mmg itu pon yg ko idam-idamkan selama neyh .

klw aku tak support , aku takan teman ko pegy training .

pekak telinga aku dgr muzik ko .

tapi ingat !

taon depan ko nak PMR .

shuffle , shuffle gak . study bia shemart .

result bia gempak .

jgn ulang gy result UPSR ko dulu .

disember neyh daa start tusyen .

ko jgn nak jadi org lupa diri plak buat2 tak ingat .

the journey is still far away .

ingat ape aku ckp dulu ?

ko lelaki . tanggungjawab ko besar .

jaga mama abah seumur idup ko .

kowt ko tade pelajaran nak jadi apa ?

nty zaman ko tukang sapu pon pakai SPM tau .

so , pikir baek2 ape yg aku ckp neyh .

aku ckp sbb aku syg ko .

aku tak reti nak tego ko depan2 .

sooo , sbb tuh aku tulis kat cney .

aku tau ko baca .

ingat , family comes first .

ko dah besar . dah cukup faham ape yg aku nak sampaikan .

 

wtv it is ,

FITRAH ILYANA sangat sayang AMIRUL HELMI dan AMIRUL MUKHRIZ !

a BouQueT oF LoVe ,

THE BEST TEACHER TEACH FROM THE HEART ,

NOT FROM THE BOOK .

IF ONLY WE KNOW HOW TO BE LIKE YOU .

TO DO EVERYTHING WITH ALL THE HEART .

YOU'VE BEEN OUR INSPIRATION .

CIKGU OSMAN BUYONG ,

WE ALL LOVE YOU !

Anak didikmu ,

Fitrah Ilyana

i Won'T cRy !

Has someone ever told you they would call you , and you stay up all night just waiting for them to call ?

Have you ever called someone to tell them all the things going on in your life , and they either to busy to talk to you , or not picking up their phone ?

Has someone ever told you that they would never leave you no matter what happens , and the next thing you know they either tell you to back off or never bother you ever again ?

Have you ever told someone everything that you've done and all your secrets after telling them that you can trust them no matter what , and the next day you found that everyone knows about you ?

Have you ever been so excited to see someone , your getting ready and lastly they call telling you that they are busy and they have to cancel everything ?

Have you ever felt like breaking down and the only reason you didn't was because you knew it wouldn't change everything ?

Have you ever gave someone your most precious heart and the only thing you got in return was the broken one ?

Have you ever been up half the night wondering what your life would be like if you haven't met this one person ?

Have you ever wonder why you were always the person that no one wanted to be around ?

Has someone ever told you that they liked you and a couple days later they're with another person ?

Have you ever wondered why all this bad things happen to you ?

Silent grief ,

Fitrah Ilyana

TwiSTiNg aNd TuRNiNg . . .

i'm mad at myself , NOT you .

i'm mad for always be nice .

i'm mad for always apologizing for things i didn't do .

i'm mad for getting attached to you .

i'm mad for depending on you and wasting my time on you .

i'm mad for always thinking about you .

and most of all ,

i'm very mad at myself for not hating you when i should !

Haaaaihhhh ,

Fitrah Ilyana

- moment idéal -

You annoy me more than i ever thought possible .

But i want to spend every irritating minute with you .

Remembering you ,

Fitrah Ilyana

TRaGeDi oKToBeR . . .

Babe . aku rayau-rayau dlm fb and aku jumpa sumthing yang aku rasa meaningful sgt . and aku nak share dgn smue readers . klw ada laa . enjoy !

Pada suatu hari di sekolah , seorang murid bertanya kepada gurunya . Ketika itu guru tersebut sedang mengajar mengenai kasih sayang .

PELAJAR : cikgu , mcm mana kita nak pilih seseorang yang terbaik sebagai orang yang paling kita sayang ? Macam mana juga kasih sayang itu nak berkekalan ?

CIKGU : okay kamu buat apa yg saya suruh . Kamu pergi ke padang . Kamu berjalan di atas rumput sambil memandang rumput di depan kamu . Pilih yang PALING cantik tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi walaupun sekali . Dah petik rumput yang PALING cantik , bawa ke kelas .

Apabila pelajar tersebut pulang ke kelas , tiada sehelai pun rumput di tangannya . Cikgu bertanya , mengapa tiada rumput yang dipilih ?

PELAJAR : Tadi masa saya berjalan , saya carilah rumput yang PALING cantik . Memang ada banyak yang cantik tapi cikgu kata petik yang PALING cantik , maka saya pun terus berjalan ke depan sambil mencari yang PALING cantik tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi . Tapi sampai di penghujung padang , saya tak jumpa pun yang paling cantik . Mungkin ada di antara yang di belakang saya tadi rumput yang PALING cantik tapi dah cikgu cakap tak boleh menoleh ke belakang semula , jadi tiadalah rumput yang saya boleh petik .

CIKGU : ya itulah jawapannya . Maknanya , apabila kita telah berjumpa dgn seseorang yang kita sayang , janganlah kita mencari lagi yang lebih baik daripada itu . Kita patut hargai org yang berada di hadapan kita sebaik-baiknya . Jangan kita menoleh ke belakang lagi kerana yang berlaku tetap dah berlaku . Semoga yang berlalu tidak berulang lagi . Dan ingatlah , orang yang paling kita sayang itulah yang paling cantik dan paling baik . Walaupun nak ikutkan banyak lagi yang cantik dan baik seperti rumput tadi ...

A Piece of Appreciation :
~ Amy and Atin , thnx sbb mulut aku yang saket neyh bertambah saket sbb asyik nak senyum lebar-lebar jea bila dgn korg . heeeee . :D
~ Mr. Zahid , thnx sbb tolong buka twister orange aku . and thnx gak sbb care tanya aku dah okay ke belum .
~  And you also , thnx sbb care . i know you care . maybe u just don't have that chance .
~ Untuk ko yang penah jadi best fwen aku and still akan jadi best fwen aku selamanya , if ko still baca agy blog aku and ingat janji ko dekat aku dulu , thnx for the gift tadi . siyesly sedap sgt . terharu ! ko ke yg buat ? ehee . boleh tempah laa klw cm tuh . ;)
~ Yang penting skaly ! to Umar , Nash and Afiq . thnx sbb bg aku exercise setengah jam kat depan klas ry neyh . 2 ary tak dtg skola terus dpt hadiah spesyel yea . haha . aku hargai itu . malu + segan + tebal 10 inci muka aku . ;D
~ For you . thnx sbb text aku tadi . dat means ko still ingat kat aku gy . hee . no offence please . i really mean it .

Yang didenda depan kelas ,

Fitrah Ilyana

Keletah Si Gemok .

Abah telefon rumah .
Abah : ayong , bukak pintu . adek balik neyh .
Aku : erm okay bah .

Sesampai di depan pintu pagar ,
Adik : ayong , abah cakap budak ponteng kena angkat beg adek .
Aku : HA!!!!! aku bukan ponteng sesajer laa budak ! bagus sungguh budi pekerti adek aku yg sorg neyh .

hahaha . tapi at last , aku angkat gak beg gemok . sbb aku tau dy dah beraksi cemerlang 2 ary neyh . melawan temptation nak ponteng apabila melihat abang dan kakaknya masih berlingkar dalam selimut pada pukul 6 pagi . hahahaha . i salute you dik . cayalah !

Teringat kata-kata gemok . dia penah ckp masa dy kecik-kecik dulu , muka dy ensem and cute mcm baby neyh :

Instead , dy tak sedar bahawa dia masa kecik dulu sebenarnya gemok dan debab mcm baby kat bwah neyh :

hahahahahahahaha . jgn marah gemok ! saja nak kacau ko ilangkan bosan .

(Gemok kat sebelah yang tgh tggu turn nak pakai pc menumbuk aku bagai nak gila !)

Yang menjalankan tugas ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

a sWeeT sUmTHiNg

I don't care who was your first , all I want is to be your last . :)

Ceritera Dua Budak Gemok .

babe . okay agak dah ada butiran habuk dah blog neyh . tunyte ada cket kelapangan nak menyelitkan satu post pendek . org laen smue majoriti dah menutupkan seketika blog-blog mereka . tetapi malangnya aku masih lagi belum insaf . dan aku tidak pernah bercadang utk menguncinya utk sementara waktu . sbb aku rasa 20 min seminggu bukanlah satu kesalahan . hee . so aku tetap nak mencuri 20 minit utk menceritakan gelagat yang agak-agak nak bodoh yg dilakukan oleh Fitrah Ilyana dgn adeknya si gemok a.k.a Amirul Mukhriz . wakaka . ceritanya bermula begini . setelah pulang dari open house rumah sebelah , yang aku pergi dgn begitu gamble sekali pakai jeans and blouse tuh , aku pun ingat nak letak kasut aku kat blakang laa . konon brany neyh , pegy laa sorg . sekali si gemok tuh mengikut dari belakang . aku biarkan aje . aku yg dah sememamngnya malas nak ikut jalan jauh2 neyh , cuba utk memuatkan diri utk lalu di celah kereta Estima dgn BM uh . tetapi ,,,

Gemok : hahaha . ayong tak muat nak lalu . tuh la , sape suh gemok . (dgn nada yg begitu menjengkelkan)

Aku : e'elle . berlagaknya ko . ayong dah tentu laa tak muat . sbb dah besar . cuba adek plak . muat tak ?

Gemok : (dgn penuh confident) elle , adek snang jea lalu sinie . (dy panjat bumper kete biru ! tak kira !)

Aku : ehhhhhh ! ko panjat bumper mmg la lepas . aku pun boleh kowt cm tuh .

Gemok : (gelak jahat) hahaha . cubela ayong buat .

Aku : tanak ayong de . nty roboh bumper keta abah sia-sia jea . dik , tolong laa letakkan kasut ayongh neyh dekat tingkap tuh . ko dah alang-alang kat sebelah sana . ayong malas laa nak pusing blakang sana .

Gemok : (dgn slumber badak dy letak kasut dy jea . kuang asam nye budak .)

Aku : eh gemok ! dgr tak ayong ckp apa ? tolong laa ha . plz ?

Gemok : tanak laa . nty ayong tggalkan adek sorg-sorg , ayong lari pegy depan .

Aku : takla . ayong tunggu adek laa .

Gemok : (dy daa lembut aty laa tuh . dy dtg gak kat aku .)

Tiba-tiba ....

Ada bunyi yg tak aku kenali kedengaran . aku punyalaa cuak . gemok pandang kat luar . muka dy pun dah cuak abes .aku dah pkir nak lari dah . tapi aku teringat adek aku kat sebelah sana lagi . kowt dy nak pusing ikut blakang Estima , jauh sgt . aku pun tak brany nak pegy blakang uh . aku pun jerit .

Aku : bunyi ape tuh dik ? cepat dik ! cepat !
Gemok : (berlari dgn skuat tenaga dan berusaha nak melepaskan diri dari sebelah sana)

Yang peliknya , masa nak pegy sebelah sana , pndy plak dy panjat bumper . tibe-tibe nak lari punya pasal dy tak panjat pun bumper tuh . lawak gler ble teringat dy menggelupur nak memanjat ke sebelah sini . dy dah laa berat . puas aku menarik dy bia lepas . hahaha . gemok . gemok .

Aku : cepat dik ! cepat ! panjat laa tuh . ayong tarik neyh .
Gemok : yong tarik adek cepat yong ! cepat yong !

Kemudian , kitorg pun lari laa selaju yg mungkin ke depan . menjerit-jerit aku . aku klw takowt mmg menjerit laa . taley nak watpe dah . sudahnya smpy depan mencungap-cungap . and kasut aku pun tak letak kat blakang . campak jea kat depan . terus masuk rumah .cerita kat makcu . tau makcu jwb ape ?

Makcu : tuh bunyi kucing laa sengal . korg berdua sama yea sengal . bunyi kucing bergaduh pun taktau . dtg dari planet mana neyh ?
Aku & Gemok : (berpandangan sesama sendiri dan tergelak menyedari kebodohan diri yg takowt tak tentu hala . hahaha .)

takpelaa , at least ada gak exercise lepas makan dgn begitu banyak ary neyh . kan gemok ? hahaha .kita diet laa lepas neyh kan mok ? now baru aku sedar , aku syg gak dgn gemok aku yg sorg tuh . tak sggup aku nak tggalkan dy sorg-sorg de . hee . yela , dy pena ckp , gemok2 adek pun , adek ayong gak . haha . aku syg ko laa gemokku !

Tukang karut ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

BriNg Me SuNsHiNe iN a CuP .

LoVe iS a BeaUTiFuL sTRuGgLe .

It'S HaRd To TeLL YouRSeLF THaT YoU aReN'T iN LoVe ,

wHeN ThE oNLy TiMe YoU sMiLe iS wHeN YoU THiNk aBouT . . .

ThE oNe wHo BRoKe YouR HeaRT .

P/S : FoReVeR iS a LoNg TiMe . BuT i WouLDn'T MiND sPeNDiNg iT bY YouR SiDe . :)

BouNDeD bY ThE uNcERTaiNTy ,

Fitrah Ilyana

BeHiND ThE WaLL . . .

babe . where are you ? ntah . tiba-tiba aty ase cm ada yg tak kena jea . i need you . ahhh tayah ckp . aku tau jwapan ko ape . hahaa . dahdah . enuff ilyana . keep it silent only . okay fine . lupakan jea . aku mmg cney . and if ko tak suka , ingat ape aku ckp semalam ? tayah la baca klw ko tak suka . and if ko da baca , and ko tak suka ape yg ko baca , just ignore it or anggap ko tak pena baca or ko anggap benda uh bukan utk ko . walaupun yes maybe i really mean it . okay ? mcm ko baca yek en . hee . dah jgn layan aku merepek2 neyh . otak mmg not so well lately . mabuk kowt . hahaa . tapi ko slalu jea layan aku walaupun aku mrepek2 kan ? hehe . thnx for that . sumtymes mrepek2 tuh membantu aku utk melupakan sumthing yg aku tak mau ingat langsung . and thnx for always being there with me , layan jea kepala aku neyh . thnx sgt2 ! walaupun ape yg ko ckp tuh maybe takde pape sgt , but it always bring a line of smile in me . ko tau cane nak buat aku senyum balik . i love how you make me smile . it just the most unique ways . thnx sgt2 weh ! heh . mrepek kan aku ? senyum laa cket oke ? sorry ! aty tak tenang now . frankly said , i need you . [ :) ] OR [ :( ] ntahlaa . chow !

Gila kan ?

Fitrah Ilyana

TeacH Me To LeT Go . . .

What is pain ?

Love .

What triggers pain ?

Memories .

What can heal pain ?

Time .

What lengthens pain ?

Real truth .

What is the initial sign of pain ?

Tears .

What is the primary defense mechanism of pain ?

Denial .

What is the primary stressor of pain ?

Theme song .

What is the history of pain ?

Break up .

How can you remove pain ?

Let go .

How can you forget pain ?

Move on .

Why do we experience pain ?

Because we have a piece of heart that loves .

Let it go ,

Fitrah Ilyana

KisS iN ThE WiNd ,

babe . lots of things happened this past two days . time seemed to crawl very slowly . silently , i'm praying for the brightness in my life , wishing for the cheerness on my mama's and abah's face , demanding for the happiness in my home , hoping for more provision coming after this . enuff for all the tears , the problems , the worried-and-tension face , the loneliness , silentness mama abah . lets start everything all over again . kita bina idup baru . yg dah lepaskan biarkan berlalu . come ! we look in front and never turn back again . jadikan semalam sbg pengajaran , hari ini sebagai panduan dan esok sebagai hari baru , yang penuh dgn keceriaan yang abadi . i love my family so so much . kita janji kita and adik-adik akan bantu mama abah manage our life together . we'll try our best to adapt in our new life after this . mama ckp , when we have confidence , everything is not impossible kan ? setiap dugaan yang Allah bg pasti ada hikmah di sebaliknya . Allah tak bagi dugaan yang kita tak mampu nak tanggung kan ? kita ingat pesan mama . i tried real hard to be strong for my family . semoga Allah lipat gandakan rezeki kita pada masa akan datang . Ya Allah , sesungguhnya kami redha dgn segala ujian dan cubaan dari-Mu pada Ramadhan kali ini . mama , abah , opah , makcu , helmi , adik , i love you all . opah , terima kasih sebab sudi jaga kita dgn adik-adik mulai dari sekarang . we will behave . we promise . kita syg opah . mama , abah , u're strong . still can carve a smile in the tough times . dat's my idols . makcu , u'd been here with us through everything . i dun want to lose you after all . hemi , adik , janji dgn ayong kita tolong mama abah sama-sama . jgn malas-malas okay . korg janji dgn mama abah taknak nakal and susahkan opah kan ? keep your promise boys ! to me , kuatkan diri , mama abah needs you so much . ilyana , u can do it !

P/S : to everybody , my phone will not functioning till thursday . oleh kerana tiada tenaga yg mencukupi utk terus hidup . so all the texts and calls in will be replied and responsed after charging . charger left kat kampung . sorry for the inconvenience . kesulitan amat dikesali . careless ilyana !

SeLaMaT HaRi RaYa

MaaF ZaHiR DaN BaTiN

SeGaLa SaLaH DaN SiLaP HaRap DiamPuNi

KiTa MaNuSia TaK LaRi DaRi KeSiLaPaN . . .

 

From the deep of our heart ,

Fitrah Ilyana and Family .

MoMeNT iN TiMe ,

This was especially dedicated to my AMY and my ATIN . if u read these , you know that i love you so so much . and i'm absolutely sure that my life would be terrible without you . just like now . deep in my heart , i miss you !

This is for you , My Best Friends . the person i can tell my soul too . who can relate to me like no other . who i can laugh with to no extents . who i can cry too when times are tough . who can help me with the problems of my life . never have you turned your back on me . or told me i wasn't good enuff . you have went through so much pain . yet you still have time . just for me . and i love you for listening even when inside you are dying . and i look up to you because you are strong , caring and beautiful . even though you don't think you are . and i hope you know that i'm always here . to listen to your laugh and cry . and help in all the ways that i can . and i will try to be at least half the friend you are to me . i hope you know i would not be the person i am tuday , without you . don't walk in fron of me . i may not follow . don't walk behind me . i may not lead . just walk beside me . and keep holding on with me no matter what happen . as long as we have memories , yesterday remains . as long as we have hope , tomorrow unveils . as long as we stay on the same ship called friendship , each day we've been through is never a waste . i'm sorry for the bad things happened lately guys . i dunno what i do and what i should do . i tried so hard to be abetter person for you . i screwed up a lot . and i ignored you too . i dunno why . but i still love you . i can't get you out of my head . deep in my heart , i'm hoping that you will hug me and said that everything will be just fine . i know you're getting sick of me . i'm getting sick of myself too . i dunno how many times i can say sorry to you . but really i am a fool . to waste such the wonderful times we had together . let us start all over again . lets make this friendship last . and make it better and true . i'm going to put aside the past now . i'm going to be nicer to you . and show you the best of what i can do . you're my best friend still . and i love you so much ! i really mean it .

Your best friend ,

Fitrah Ilyana

sorry but it hurts me !

babe . i thought i'll found her soon . but , it tends to be upside down . honestly , i was very excited to finish up my trial as i thought we will be enjoy ourselves after that . the three of us . laughing , shopping , bla , bla . but then , it's not . babe , sorry if this words are hurting you . i just dunno how to keep it alone . i need to burst it out . yet , now i know i'm all alone . no one are there with me ! can you imagine how my life without you guys ?! empty . it was totally empty . i was very frustrated , i was angry , i was disappointed . i even couldn't answer my quran sunnah just because of thinking of your words . " weh , maybe esok tak jadi au . " what ?! u killed me with that words . korg taktau aku dah lama berangan-angan nak keluar b4 raya neyh . only that plan will make me smile for this past weeks . aku tak sabar sgt2 , aku excited sgt-sgt nak kuar dgn korg . tapi , aku tak sangka cney plak jadi nya kan . if korg kecik aty dgn apa yg aku ckp neyh , i'm so sorry . tapi korg tau kan aku takde sape agy nak share probs aku . bila dah jd cney , i'm feeling like dying ! aku sorang-sorang ! aku sorang ! aku kecik aty sgt dgn korg . this is the second time weh . ary tuh , bila plan tak jd kuar , korg kuar gak berdua . and this tyme , bila aku boleh kuar , korg plak taknak . mmg aku kecik aty . takde sape pun akan faham . aku tau . pointless . tp aku langsung tak boleh nak study mlm neyh . indeed , it was too hurt and i cannot stand it anymore . maybe , korg nak ckp aku emo , terpulang . but again , u guys bring me down to earth . mimpi yang aku bina 2 minggu neyh lenyap mcm tuh jea . and thanks sgt-sgt . yes , thanks a lot . ahhhhhhh ! stop it , ilyana !

it's not goodbye .

everyday ,

we play with our own feeling .

sumtymes we will laugh when we want to ,

and even we can cry in just a blink of eye .

no one can force our own soul .

it just fall .

don't blame for the silly things .

we dun want it to be happened too somehow .

you can go if you want to .

and if time is on my side ,

there will be no tears to cry on ,

down the road ,

there's one thing i can't deny .

IT'S NOT GOODBYE .

maybe i'd think i'm strong enuff to make this through ,

and rise above when the rain falls down ,

but it's so hard to be strong ,

when you've been trying it so long .

it's just the matter of time i'm sure ,

but time takes time and i can't hold on ,

so i will try so hard as i can ,

to put my broken spirit together again .

Fitrah Ilyana ,

until the day i'll let you go ,

until we say our next hello ,

IT'S NOT GOODBYE .

till i see you again ,

i'll be right here remembering when .

I promised that i'll find you back .

i'll see you soon .

i love you Ilyana .

Searching for herself,
Fitrah Ilyana

M.I.A . . .

TODAY ,
was just one of those days where EVERYTHING i did reminded me of you ,
and every song i heard somehow RELATED TO YOU .
I HATE DAYS LIKE TODAY !
because they remind me of the one thing i don't have .

Your truthfully ,

Fitrah Ilyana

betul ke ?

babe . betul ke keputusan yg aku buat neyh ? if this was the best decision , nape aty aku tak hepy ? nape aku still fikir balik tentang keputusan yg telah aku ambil ? aku ke yg ego ? aku ke yg buat tindakan melulu ? tapi aku buat neyh utk kebaikan semua org . yes , maybe aku tak hepy . tapi tgk org laen hepy dah cukup buat aku hepy . but still , now , aku tak mampu nak rasa hepy or ase puas dgn apa yg aku dah buat . mmg aku syg persahabatan aku . and aku tau aku tak sanggup nak korbankan segalanya buat kali kedua . but ,,, Ya Allah , berilah aku petunjuk . apa yg perlu aku buat . honestly said , dia penting dlm idup aku and yes , aku masih perlukan dia . full stop .

P/S : - i keep reading ur last note . yes , i cried !
        - weh , thnx sbb ada dekat aku and give me the strength .

Is it ?
Fitrah Ilyana

eMpTyNeSs . . .

Bintang malam ...
Tolong sampaikan padanya ...
Katakan aku pergi ...

P/S : i'm sorry .

-ilyana-

i'M LeaViNg .

If you're going to love me ,

love me deeply .

If you're going to break my heart ,

then break it all .

If you're going to care ,

care for me completely .

If you decide not to hold me ,

then just let me fall .

If you're going to stay ,

then stay forever .

If you want to leave ,

then do it today .

If you're going to change ,

change for the better .

If you're going to talk ,

please mean what you say .

Demanding ,

Fitrah Ilyana

WeLCoMe RaMaDHaN .

babe . esok puasa . dah lama aku tunggu saat neyh . rasa syahdu sgt tyme sahur . and rindu gler waktu study after sahur . ahlan wasahlan ya ramadhan . semoga puasa taon neyh membawa seribu erti dlm idup setiap insan . and kita semua dapat menikmati kemanisan Ramadhan dan mendapat keberkatan dari bulan mulia ini . ckp pasal puasa , macam-macam benda terlintas dalam kepala . Bazar Ramadhan , Terawih , tilawah ramai-ramai kat skola , solat berjemaah , segala macam makanan dan minuman semua laa . tuh laa lumrah manusia kan ? even baju raya , kasut raya , dwet raya semua kita dah pk dah . walaupun esok baru ary first puasa . sama-samalah kita beramal dan menghayati bulan Ramadhan ini . and to all Form 5 students , selamat menghayati bulan TRIAL SPM juga . good luck guys . lets fighting till the end ! :)

P/S : sorry . sebab tadi aku dah menyusahkan kwn-kwn aku . sorry sbb tadi aku dah buat kwn-kwn aku risau pasal aku . sorry sbb tadi aku dah mungkir janji kat someone yg aku takkan nangis agy . so so sorry . things are just not right . sumtymes we think that we could fix the problem , we could handle the matter , instead we're not . walau sekuat mana pun aku cuba bertahan , aku tetap kalah when it comes to one . please . even if u think u want to ignore me in front of others , please don't do it on me . because that was the only thing that will made all my days down to earth . and that is what happened to me tuday . aku penah ckp dulu . aku tak mampu nak buat-buat tak kenal if the person dah jadi sebahagian dari idup aku . so , if you intends to do the same thing to me , please terus-terang ckp nak pergi terus dari idup aku . jgn buat aku mcm org asing sdgkan kau dah lama kenal aku . that will hurts me the most . okay , maybe u want to kan ? teruskan . buatlah . hati ini merelakan ianya disakiti asalkan org sekelilingnya bahagia . someone yg aku sayang , yg aku hormat sgt-sgt , yg aku dah anggap mcm mak aku sendiri ckp kat aku td . motivasi diri aku makin turun . yes i do . aku tau yg sumtymes aku dah takde semangat nak teruskan idup . tapi aku tak sangka org tuh masih memerhati aku dari jauh walaupun aku dah jarang sgt-sgt jumpa dy . thnx for care . wassalam .

Yang meminta ,

Fitrah Ilyana 

eFFoRTs sPiLLeD OuT LiKe WaTeRFaLLs .

babe . yes , i'm here . kan dah janji ry tuh tanak post pape gy ? no . dah tarik balik perjanjian tuh . yea , tau trial agy seminggu . tapi ntah . hati meronta-ronta nak merepet . kejap jea okay . betul . kejap jea . tangan saket sgt neyh . but still menggedik nak taip post kan ? tuh kan mmg fitrahilyana punye perangai . nak wat cane . ha ? nape tgn saket ? salah sendiri laa . sape suruh bgn pagi-pagi masuk toilet tak buka mata besar-besar . padan muka . tergelincir suda . nasib ada toilet bowl tahan . kowt tak , agy cm nangka busuk . hahaha . dah laa . segan nak ingat balik . wat malu jea . yg ptg lengan dah bengkak and biru . nseb baek tak jadi hulk kaler hijau . ;) . yes abg , org tau ! dah tayah nak ngengade comment kat blog org neyh . tau abg uh keje nak ngutuk manjang . bernanah telinga kat kampung 2 ary neyh asyik dgr abg membebel jea . tak membina langsung kutukan abg uh . btw , thnx for the annoying compliment okay ! balik dari kampung pagi td , terus pegy klas add math . penat toksah cte laa . nak tercabut pinggang dah . semalam kenduri , semua org bekerja keras . termasuk laa fitrahilyana yg tak berapa nak rajin neyh . hahaa . pssst ! pssst ! fitrahilyana masuk dapur semalam ! wee . sesuatu yg jarang-jarang sekali dilakukan oleh girl yg bernama fitrahilyana neyh . haha . dah lama tak kenduri , kali neyh ase syok sgt-sgt ! berkumpul ramai-ramai . umah nenek tuh toksah cte laa , bising eh cm kat pasar . mcm-mcm bunyi ada . dak-dak kecik maen . (neyh semua bunyi sore adik-adik sedara aku yg masih ala-ala comel-comel gitu . termasuk laa adek aku yg sorg uh . pergh , skaly dorg menjerit , bergegar bulu idung wan kat bawah uh . ;) . hee . jgn marah wan . gurau! ) ada sore baby nanges . (tak laen tak bukan sore haikal laa . yg chumel uh . ke ada baby tua ? eh tade . tade .hehe) nak ada background music ? ha sore abg-abg sedara aku yg gelak tak sedar diri kat depan tv . fuiyo , sebijik cam gorilla beb . wakaka . hehe . jgn marah bang . pendapat ikhlas neyh . hee . and yg plg penting skaly , sore nenek , mama aku and mak-mak sedara aku yg riuh rendah kat dapur . hahaha . tapi nenek aku laa yg plg gempak skaly . kira klw ada anugerah peleter terbaik , tak ada keraguan agy , nenekla pemenangnya . hakhak . tak ! tak ! org syg nenek laa . hee . yela , dari pagi smpy ke malam , ada jea bnda dia nak ckp . banyak plak idea nenek aku neyh kan ? ingat aku jea yg byk ckp . haha . betulla . mana tumpahnya kuah klw tak ke nasi en ? barulah aku tau , aku mewarisi sifat nenek aku rupanya . wah ! hahaa . nak tau nenek aku bebel apa kat aku and 2 org cousin pmpuan aku ? haha . lawak beb .

Nenek : dagho ! jgn nak lari . neyh potai neyh copek kikih . kang lambek masak kang . neyh dah tongah hari .
Kami : yela nek . nak dtg laa neyh . rilek la nek , kojap yo kikih tuh .
Nenek : Ewah , sodap eh mulut korg bercakap . klw bab ngelat , kowg laa kepalo eh .

Nenek : weh , kojo lum siap minum air eh dah bergelen-gelen . siapkan kojo neyh dulu !
Kami : nek , haus laa nek . kojap laa .
Nenek : buek kojo eh tak seberapo , minum yo lobih . nak buek balik kot rajin plak tuh .

Nenek : ewah ! ewah ! sodap eh terlentang dalam bilik . tuh org dtg nak tolong masak . bgn poei buek air , hidang kuih smuo .
Kami : nek , kitowg baru duduk neyh ha . jap aa . 5 min yek .
Nenek : (sambil mencapai kayu dkat tepi pintu tuh) kowg nak bgn tak ha ? nak bgn tak ?
Kami : hahaha . lek nek lek . nak bgn laa neyh . yola , kitowg poei .

Nenek : lamo eh plak budak 3 org neyh mandi . ayong ! ekin ! dayah ! kowg tak kuar aku tutup lampu neyh .
Kami : nek , kitowg baru masuk nek . dengkinya . kitowg nak mandi sorg-sorg , nenek suruh mandi bertiga . jimat masa . pun kena marah gak er ?
Nenek : aku suruh mandi copek ! bukan berborak dlm bilik air tuh . neyh abg-abg neyh nak mandi plak .
Kami : alaa nek , suh laa dorg mandi bilik air depan . sibuk ah abg neyh .
Nenek : Satu ! Dua ! (belum Tiga agy dah padam lampu . dengkinya !)
Kami : nek ! belum Tiga agy laa . yela . yela . 5 min agy ktowg kuar .

Nenek : anak dara ! pinggan-pinggan yg abg dah basuh neyh tangkup ateh kain yg nenek dah bontang tuh . susun ikut jonis eh . jgn rapat-rapat bonar . nty tak koghing . eyyy ! apo cm tuh susun eh tuh . pinggan , pinggan yo laa . jgn laa cmpur dgn mangkuk .
Kami : jap laa nek . bolum sudah laei . tunjuk skill yek td tuh . nenek cuak laa . dont worry . tanggung beres punya .
Nenek : e'eh . macam-macam botul dyo neyh . tak botul kang kowg bertigo siap . bilo dah bertigo mcm-mcm akal eh kan . pocah pinggan aku , aku tubing sowg-sowg .
Kami : wah dahsyat nenek . dah pandai dah skunk eh nak tubing org . haha .

ha byk agy senanya bebelan nenek aku kat kitowg . tapi neyh yek laa yg mampu aku ingat . walaupun nenek aku neyh kasar cket , tapi dy mmg the greatest grandma yg aku penah ada selain opah aku laa . beza nenek dgn opah aku , opah aku jenis yg lemah-lembut , tegur pun sopan yek . nenek aku brutal cket . hahaa . tapi dua-dua aku sayang . tuh jea laa pun nenek dgn opah yg aku ada . agaknya mmg dorg pening kepala nak layan cucu perempuan dy yg 3 org neyh kan . hee . sepatah dy bebel , berpatah-patah ktowg jwab . tapi yg peliknya tuh , ada plak hujah dy nak balas ape kitowg ckp tuh kan ? haha . tyme neyh la nak manja-manja nek . nty dah jauh , jarang dpt jumpe . so , konklusinya daripada segala bebelan yg tertulis di atas , jelaslah bahawa nenek aku mmg tak boleh tgk kitowg bertiga senang . hahaha . takla . gurau yek . aku tau nenek sebenarnya nak yg terbaek utk cucu-cucu dy yang terlebih makan vitamin M neyh . hakhak . yela org lama kan . kadang-kadang bg kita , ada benda tuh remeh yek . tak payah buat pun takpe . tapi bg dy , tuh adat dan budaya yang tak seharusnya kita lupa sbg anak Melayu . hee . nek , 2 ary kat kg siyesly me-Melayukan kami bertiga kembali . wakaka . istilah tak ley blah . fitrahilyana pakai kain batik kat kampung beb ! hakhak . and fitrah ilyana berjaya goreng cempedak dgn jayanya semalam ! pencapaian yang amat memberangsangkan setakat neyh . wee . nseb baek tak rentung dapur nenek aku kerjakan . hahaha . and fitrahilyana gak laa yg gatal-gatal nak mop lantai walaupun tgn dy dah tahap kritikal ICU dah . dy neyh kan mmg degil . baru tau ke ? hahaa . btw , nak bg pesanan kat abg-abg aku yg sumpah otak mcm terminator . jahat nak maty . tau laa korg ramai . takyah laa buli kitowg de . heh . naseb baek abang namanya . kowt dak kecik , dah kena picit-picit dah smpy lumat . abg duan , thnx jaga bubur kacang yg org sepatutnya kena kacau tuh tyme org lari pegy kedai dgn ekin and dayah . hee . abg nizam , tahniah laa yea jd pengurut serba boleh . best tak dpt penyepak free ? org ckp tgn org saket , agy nak picit . padan muka ! abg zizi , skill parut kelapa uh tak terer laa . hahah . berlagak yek lebih . gemok a.k.a mukhriz pun pndy wat .wakaka . abg azrul , slamber jek tarik tudung org . org tak ponteng laa ! abg yg ngelat . hesh . hahaa .ang putra , wah ! maintain comel gy laa . bhahaha . haikal pun tkowt tgk abg . hee . abg tapa , thnx dwet topup ! gee . last but not least , i had a great tyme at kampung . bila agy boleh kumpul ? raya laa kan ? lemang tok ! lemang ! haa dodol skaly ! hahaa . now da sunyi balek . smue org dah balek umah masing-masing . tggal laa atuk dgn nenek berdua yek kat kampung . atuk , time kaseh bg kitorg RM5 sorg . upah bwat keje kata atuk . hehe . to all kazen-kazen aku , idup baek-baek yek . semua dah bawak haluan masing-masing . abg duan balik terengganu mlm neyh . abg nizam pun dah balik melaka . abg azrul kat pd . abg putra , abg tapa kat KL . bersepah-sepah dah dorg . so , teruskan perjuangan ! org akan menyusul kalian tak lama agy . hee . daa ~

Yang kepenatan

Fitrah Ilyana

SoMeThiNg MusT bE . . .

Something must be wrong with me

with all this hurt inside

always bursting in tears

and never in pride .

Something must be wrong with me

if all i do is cry

i can't stop the pain

all i want to do is run away .

Something must be wrong with me

if my emotions run wild

all this confusion does

is make me feel like a lost child .

Something must be wrong with me

with all these terrible things

always there and never gone

depression is what it brings .

Something must be wrong with me

if i can't stop these thoughts

all this pain does

is turn my stomach in knots

Something must be wrong with me

when i think there's only one way out

" Let this pain end "

is all my heart will shout .

Looking for a sunshine

Fitrah Ilyana