Babe . i know this post is so close from the one before . what to do . i just want to . hmmm , what a long dayy is today . precisely , yesterday . 18th of February 2013 . it wasn't a good start . yeahh , im very sure . couldn't sleep well last night . nervous of result ? i dont think so . end up of woke up very tiredly at about 6.30am . perform my subuh prayer . getting ready for class at 7.30am . class supposed to start at 8am this morning . before that , i have to go to physio department for 2nd session of blood taking for Prof's research . le sighh . again ?! yeahhh , im sighed in the very early of the morning . not a good sign huh ? absolutely . the 1st session of blood taking gave me 2 weeks of bruises okayy . this time , instead of one venepuncture , i had 2 ! one at each hand . first one , left hand , no blood obtained . change to the right hand , and it coped well after so many hardship . well done , hand ! i need to use my right hand right afterwards okayyy ! T.T and it HURT me badly throughout the whole day . both hands .
yet , i have to go to the lecture as well . the day must go on no matter what happen to my hands , isn't it ? due to that session , we're late for the first lecture , lect Haemoglobin Degradation . we came into the lecture hall at 8.30am . what the earlybirds we are mehh . no worries . i'd cover this lecture already after that . at 9am , got abdomen lecture . OMG , gross in my first day of Sem 2 ?! o.O no choice ilyana . just listen and try to focus . as usual , when it comes to anatomy , disregard whether it is histo , gross or embryo , my attention span cannot last longer . about 30 mins and you're off . i shut down already . -.-" and i didn't cover this lecture yet ! what makes it so interesting is that , i have DD tomorrow on this topic . and i know nothing instead of the rectal sheath . ilyana ! :/
after lecture , went to check on the list name of the GTEE class . silently praying of my name to appear on Monday's list so that i can escape from the Thursday's class which will be at 2-5pm ! that is a prison for sure ! unfortunately , i couldn't find my name at all . and the conclusion is , my name is on Thursday's class surely . what the ?! haizzzzz again , another sigh !
then , this is the climax . result had been announced . already posted on the notice board in front of the dean's office . we decide to check on it . in spite of the heavy footsteps and the war of heartbeat inside , we still make it through . check on it , and BOOM ! crashed . it's DONE ! i screwed up again . i failed my final with D grades ! yeahhh man it's a D ! D for donkey . and yeahhh , maintain the smile . acted coolly and went back straight to hostel . text mama : ma , kita failed . it's a D . im sorry . and mama called immediately . giving her truly comforting advice . and that is when the wall of tears broke . yeahhh , obviously im so frustrated . it is failed ! i'm fail ! what a haunted word it is . even though this is not my first failure , it is the worst compared to the conass . this is the effect after being procrastinated by too many A's and 4.00 back before . then , after that i realized . D is not that bad compared to other friends who got E and F isn't it ? instead , the range marks for D is 45-49 . very narrow range . so , im not supposed to depressed too badly . D is not the end of the world . what im supposed to do now is stand up back and make it for the second semester instead of crying continuously for that D . the past is always the past . nothing can change the D . but , i have to work out to improve that D for second sem . and that is what i will do . right here and right now .
hmmm so many hurdles todayy . im mentally tired . class ended at 7pm . got TITAS from 5 to 7 . monday is not a good start though . yet , it gives me so much valuable lessons . in order for me to be a better person . definitely . gahhh its 1.30am right noww . i have to sleep . tomorrow class , typically start at 8am . have CSU in the afternoon . and DD at 2pm . after a long hols , its weird to find back my mask and my gloves , wearing back my white coat , and the journey continues . never ended . just like how your effort should be ilyana . night worlds . :')
D for determination ,
Fitrah Ilyana .
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