pLeaSe sToP cRyiNg !

babe !

nape air mata neyh taknak brenty ?

i even tried to put the huge fort .

but then it was collapsed too .

lemah sgt ke aku ?

aku ke yg tak pndy kawal perasaan ?

ak tatau nape .

tiba-tiba aku ase sunyi sgt2 .

mcm aku idup kat dunia neyh sorg2 .

aku ada masalah tapi aku taktau nak cite kat sape .

mana abah ?

mana mama ?

kita tau mama abah sibuk sgt .

tapi i need both of you .

i cannot pretend like i'm understand all ur business instead i'm not .

ur daughter needs u mama abah !

tolonglah cuba faham kita sedikit jea .

kita nak abah yg selalu peluk kita , tenangkan kita , bg smangat kat kita .

kita nak mama yg tak pernah jemu suruh kita berjuang habis-habisan sampai berjaya .

kita nak mama yg tunjuk dia syg kat kita sgt-sgt .

keterlaluan ke klw kita merayu selitkan sikit diri kita di tengah-tengah kesibukan itu ?

then mana kwn2 aku ?

okay . aku tau bukan salah korg .

aku jea yg ase cm tuh .

tak yah la nak ase bersalah okay .

dun worry .

smue konflik dalaman aku yg masih tak stabil .

sorry nyusahkan korg yg risau2 nape aku nges ary jumaat ry tuh .

siyes mggu neyh is the worst !

aku hilang diri aku and i just couldn't find it until now .

i'm still searching and never stop .

but i can't find it anywhere .

yg aku jupe hanya tangisan , kesedihan , kekecewaan dan ape ntah yg tak mampu aku tafsirkan .

mana fitrahilyana yg cuba utk kuat dulu ?

mana fitrahilyana yg cuba taknak pedulikan apa org ckp dulu ?

mana fitrahilyana yg matlamat idupnya nak buat org laen sentiasa hepy uh ?

mana fitrahilyana yg sedaya-upaya nak senyum and berlagak dy okay dulu ?

mana dy ?

please !

i beg u to come back , fitrahilyana !

i need my strength back !

i need everybody yg memberi aku sumber kekuatan utk terus bertahan .

Ya Allah , bantu aku .

keringkan air mata ini Ya Allah .

Rintihan suara hati

Fitrah Ilyana

:'(

SUMPAH !

aku jeles sgt dgn korg ary neyh !

jgn tanya aku kenapa !

memang aku jeles sgt2 .

please jgn salahkan aku .

aku ckp apa yg aku rasa .

Kenapa mesti mcm neyh ?

Fitrah Ilyana

PeRLu Ke SeBaB ?

babe . dah 2 ary aku tak dtg skola . maybe the best word is 'ponteng' yang ertinya sengaja tak dtg tanpa alasan yg munasabah . nak hukum aku ? hukumlah . dendalah . aku tak kesah . yg ptg apa yg aku buat neyh tak kacau or ganggu idup org lain . ada aku kesah ? pedulik ape aku . klw ikut aty , aku dah blah dah dari skola uh . pegy skola pun tak seronok buat pe ? hanya teman-teman rapat dan niat utk menuntut ilmu yg masih buat aku ada lagi kat shams . yg lain ? lesu . hambar . membosankan . bila pergi skola org mesti tanya . " fit , nape tak dtg semalam? " zahirnya alasan aku , " tak bape sehatla. " tapi hakikat sebenar ? yes mmg aku saket . luar dan dalam . aku sedar SPM makin dekat . trial pun tak smpy 2 bulan . tapi ? apa aku boleh buat . maybe aku mengikut kata hati . ikut kehendak emosi . namun , aku rasa aku dah cukup rasional klw aku katakan ketidakhadiran aku ke sekolah hanya untuk meneutralkan segala ketidakseimbangan emosi yg aku alami . pergi sekolah tapi ada rasa menyampah kat org . tak ley nak tgk muka org . rasa nak bunuh jea org uh . buat pe ? sbb itu aku lebih suka duduk kat rumah . sbb aku tak akan ada semua rasa-rasa yg tidak menyenangkan itu . dan aku tak sanggup punyai rasa dendam dan benci dlm hati ini . itu bukan aku yg dulu . aku tau dendam dan benci itu penyakit hati . Ya Allah , sembuhkan hati ini . jauhkan diri ini dari rasa dendam dan benci itu . dan atas sebab itulah , aku bertindak untuk menyepikan diri dari sekolah . and aku tak menyesal . maybe semua org tgk aku gelak , aku senyum . tapi dlm aty , Allah jea tau betapa aku lemah tak berdaya , punya rasa yg tak mampu aku tanggung lagi . dan aku rasa aku menikmati keseronokan yg berpanjangan dgn hanya duduk di rumah . aku minta maaf klw aku dah menyusahkan org lain . tapi , aku perlu berbuat begini utk mengelakkan bunga-bunga dendam dan benci dalam hati ini bercambah menjadi kelopak amarah yg tak terbendung lagi . aku khuatir aku hanya akan menyusahkan org agy klw keadaan itu berpanjangan . aku mohon ampun . Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku , bantu aku menghadapi segala dugaan-Mu Ya Allah . Wassalam .

Gumpalan Isi Hati
Fitrah Ilyana

JusT So TiReD oF BeiNg Me .

Thanks to those who hated me ;

you made me a stronger person .

Thanks to those who loved me ;

you made my heart grow fonder .

Thanks to those who envied me ;

you made my self-esteem grow stronger .

Thanks to those who cared ;

you made me feel important .

Thanks to those who entered my life ;

you made me who i am today .

Thanks to those who left ;

you showed me that nothing last forever .

Thanks to those who stayed ;

you showed me the true meaning of

~ LOVE & FRIENDSHIP ~

Yang menyedari hakikat sebuah kehidupan
Fitrah Ilyana

....HiM....DeScRiPTiVe EsSaY....

babe .

y it was so sudden to say 'bout this .

its okay .

just follow what my heart said 'bout him .

sumtymes i think that he was just like GU JUN PYO .

keras hati .

tak reti nak tunjuk apa yg dia rasa .

kasar sgt2 .

plz . dun treat girl like you treat all ur boys .

tak sama .

reminder for all .

~Gu Jun Pyo~

eh jap !

sumtymes dia mcm YOON JI HOO .

tgh ckp-ckp , boleh jea blah cm tuh yek .

menyepi tanpa khabar berita .

if org yg ko bwat uh mmg takde pape okay laa .

but do u realized dat u are making pepel so worried 'bout you ?

and satu agy !

YOON JI HOO sgt suka sorok perasaan dia !

at least skaly jea bgtaw yg dy ada perasaan syg .

boleh jea kan ?

tak jatuh de ego awk tuh .

~Yoon Ji Hoo~

bukan laa !

dia mcm SO YI JUNG !

muka ensem .

tapi sumpah menyampah gler dgn dy .

dah ada org suka tuh terima laa .

jgn la gemar maen tarik tali .

buat org tertanya-tanya apa yg ada dlm aty dy tuh .

suka sgt menyakitkan aty pmpuan yg syg kat dy .

at least bersyukur laa ada gak org syg , care smue kan ?

be appreciative cket boleh ?

~So Yi Jung~

klw nak ckp dy cm SONG WOO BIN boleh tak ?

mysterious gler .

taktau langsung latar belakang dy .

sape makwe dy ?

dy neyh ada perasaan ke tak ?

please laa be open cket .

tak luak pun .

~Song Woo Bin~

hey fitrahilyana !
tau mengkritik jea ko neyh .
sabarlah !
cite tak abes gy laa .
ada gy .
smbung baca . dok diam-diam !

yes . dy mmg cam GU JUN PYO .

yg boleh buat sumthing yang mengharukan dgn kadar yg tiba-tiba .

sgt gemar melakukan sesuatu yg tak dijangka .

and dy pun mmg cam YOON JI HOO .

hadir ketika dirinya amat diperlukan .

penyelamat dunia .

SO YI JUNG ? he got it too .

bukan setakat ensem , tapi at least ,

boleh mengundang senyuman di saat kesedihan .

exactly like SONG WOO BIN !

romantic in his own way .

yeke ?

ntahlaa . yela kowt .

sape suh mysterious sgt .

so aku tafsirkan jea laa ikut apa yg aku dah kenal ko .

no offence please .

jujur from the bottom of my heart .

dahsyat kan dia ?

4 org hero aku semua ada dlm dia sorg .

but aku tak tgk dia sebab dy ensem .

i accept him as who he is .

i'm glad to know u .

and i really mean it .

thank you for being in my life .

Hoping for being like Jan Di

Fitrah Ilyana

TaBaHLaH WaHai HaTi !

babe . i don't know . sometimes hati sangat sukar dimengerti . sukarnya meluahkan . melepaskan segala inci yang dirasai . apa yg dialami . yang lahir tulus murni . besarnya hanya sebesar penumbuk . namun , untuk meneroka ke segenap pelosok daging berdarah ini , kenapa begitu sulit ? sedangkan perjalanan beribu batu sudah kita capai , sudah kita lihat , sudah kita tawan . tapi , utk melihat dan memahami hati , seakan sgt mustahil . kadang-kadang terluka . kadang-kadang melukakan . tanpa dikawal oleh minda dan akal fikiran . tapi hakikatnya sakit . terguris . tak ku mengerti kenapa . hati ini seolah merelakan . melepaskan . pergilah . terbanglah . lepaskanlah . aku penat sebenarnya . lelah diri ini memikirkan segala yg telah berlaku . walau hakikatnya tiada siapa yg tahu . tiada siapa yg mengerti gejolak rasa ini . aku berani utk mengatakan bahawa andai kalian ingin memahami , ingin berkongsi rasa yg sama , ambillah hati ini . baru kalian faham apa yg aku rasai . hanya aku yg tahu apa yg aku rasa . kadangkala aku penat merawat hati . mungkin terubat . tapi seringnya tidak . Ya Allah ! kuatkanlah hati ini seperti mana aku telah memilikinya . wahai hati . tabahlah ! wahai jiwa . kuatlah ! wahai diri . cekallah ! janganlah bersedih duhai hati . air mata . janganlah kau mengalir lagi utk kesekian kalinya . bersabarlah . akal . aku perlukan perananmu utk menghadapi situasi genting ini . sabarkan jiwaku yang semakin sarat membendung kelukaan ini . keringkanlah titisan suci ini . walau embun jernih ini kerap menitis . walau hati kecil itu sering merintih pilu meratapi diri . tapi , kuatlah . hidup itu satu perjuangan . luka itu sekadar pengalaman sbg bekalan diri . robeknya sekeping hati adalah utk mematangkan diri . persinggahan utk menguatkan jiwa insani . utk menguji sekeping hati kurniaan Ilahi . biarlah . lukakanlah hati dan jiwa insan ini . hati membenarkan . pergilah . jgn diganggu hati dan jiwa ini lagi . walaupun hati ini tahu . jiwa ini akan lebih sengsara .

Secebis kelukaan,

Fitrah Ilyana

a LiTTLe CoNFeSsiOnS .

babe ! this post was made especially for my bestmate ever . law liat , i'll never forget you . never ever . i met you almost everyday but then i could do nothing than just pray in the deep of my heart for your happiness , healthy life . besarnya pengorbanan yg perlu aku lakukan , mahalnya harga yg perlu aku bayar utk mempertahankan sebuah hubungan persahabatan . Allah jea tau betapa seksanya aku nak buat mcm tak kenal ko instead ko dah jd a part of my life . that's the fact . sorry to said . i just said wat i was act feel now . my mum once said . we have to put our best in our friendship . we must be sincere . no matter what happen , we have to defend the friendship even though we thought that we have no way else . ma , i have tried my best . but then sorry , i think i'm failed . i couldn't defend the ship well . i am lost ! seems like it was yesterday when i met you , we are laughing together , spent our quality time together . if only i knew what will happen next . i will never ever come to your life , disturb ur life or maybe ruin ur peace life . thank you for all you've done . forgive all my mistakes . there's nothing i can do . to hear ur voice again . sometimes i want to call you . but i know u won't be there . i'm sorry for blaming you for everything . i've hurt myself . and maybe you too . sometimes it was very hard to pretend like we're happy enough but then we're not . i don't want to admit that but then it was you i need . it was hard to say goodbye when it comes to this ! would you tell me i was wrong ? would you help me understand ? there's nothing i can do . to look into your eyes and see you are looking back . have i got that chance ? maybe i should accept the fact that the answer would be NO . if i had just one more day , i would tell you how much that i need u since you've been away . it's so out of line to try to turn back time . i miss you ! i miss our time together . once you have been my best friend , the title will remain as it should be . forever . never ever be faded with time . even maybe u have totally throw me away from your life , but then you are still my best friend until the end of the world . u will be remembered as the person who brought the strongness in mine , who were never be tired of giving me inspiration and motivation , protect me as best as u can , who tell me that i couldn't be like this , like that , i have to change and so on . i appreciated everything that u have done for the sake of me . but sayangnya , aku tak dapat semua tuh lg . but if this was the risk that i have to take , the right decision utk kebaikan semua org , utk kebahagiaan org lain , termasuk ko , aku rela dan sanggup berkorban . even maybe aku sendiri tak bahagia . its okay . kebahgiaan org lain tuh penting buat aku . thnx for evrything . thnx sbb sudi jd kwn baek aku even tak lama pun . klw aku ada peluang utk meminta , i demand for your come back . mustahil kan ? if u think so , abaikan permintaan aku neyh . sorry for everything . bukan berniat nak buat ko rasa serba salah , tapi i'm just expressing myself . yg merasakan kekurangan dan kehilangan yg amat sangat . for me best friends and org-org yg bermakna dlm idup aku tuh mcm jigsaw puzzle . melengkapkan idup aku . ilang sekeping , mesti tak lengkap puzzle kan ? tak lengkap tak ley nak frame kan ? pincang dan cacat . dats wat i was . sorry . thank you .

From the bottom of my heart

Fitrah Ilyana

LaUgHTeR iS ThE BesT MeDiCiNe

babe ! oh post today is totally out of topic . i'm having my day now . fever day . ahhhh . i dun like it as well . cannot concentrate on the class . sneeze all the time ! it was crazy okay . no doubt ! the tissue was like the roti-jala-yang-dah dikirai-kirai uh . my nose was exactly like the clown's . hahaha . red and red and always red . this morning i still can bear it . smpy ke petang , terus tak bermaya . and this night , i felt like not going to PSI . tak larat sgt . sore throat . blocking nose . mata pun dah perit . badan dah tak tentu arah . but then , he was there . my friends were all there . i decide kuatkan diri gak and pegy . yes , it was the perfect decision . i thought i was just be flatten around instead not . after gelak-gelak dgn naeimah n ana , yes i'm feeling better . even my nose mmg tak ley nak sembuh laa . sindrome ape ntah . i pun taktau . but i was happy though ! guys , thnx for making my decease even better . naeimah , sorry sbb forgot giler bawak novel ko . promise will bring it tomorrow . free delivery makcik ! hahaha . ana , walaupun tgn ko aku gentar , tapi gelak ko tetap menjadi pujaan aty ku . hakhak . atin , dun worry , i tak maen-maen dgn kiwi . hekhek . amy , mek aku akan makan ubat . insyaAllah mlm neyh tak tdow lewat sgt . hee . weyh , thnx sbb dtg coz ur appearance gave me extra strength utk bertahan . thank you ! :)

nota kaki 1 : law liat , tiba-tiba aku teringat kat ko . pe kaba ? hope ko selamat tinggal sorg .
nota kaki 2 : sumtymes , it was very hard utk buat-buat tak kenal dgn org yg kita dah anggap sbg a part of our life . sorry . i can't do it !
nota kaki 3 : ustaz , sorry salah sebut ! hehe . talking error . ;)
nota kaki 4 : imy .

~ Fitrah Ilyana ~

ThE TRuTh iS ReVeaLeD .

babe !

MALU !

SEGAN !

okay , taley nak watpe da laa . hee .

sorry !

taktau laa .

kowt tau tak post status cm tuh . hehe .

takpela . alang-alang dah tau nak buat cane .

let it be .

yg ptg the fact is ,

i have the spirit to study lately just because of YOU .

thank you . :)

nota kaki 1 : weh , thank you for coming into my life . u changed me to a better side . thank you for made and keep making me smile . :)
nota kaki 2 : laskar pelangi . hmmm , will find it !
nota kaki 3 : one fact ! u are my yakuza . hahahahaha . ;)
nota kaki 4 : sorry if the status troubled u . i'm just expressing mine .
nota kaki 4 : din , happy birthday . may Allah bless u always .

~Fitrah Ilyana~

RiNDu !

babe , i dunno why i miss her like crazy today . mama , i miss u so-so much ! dun ask me why . i dunno why . it just happened . suddenly . i cried suddenly . even i just smiled before that . when will u come back ? i need u here ma . every time . i'm so lonely without you . no person to fight . no person to lawan-lawan ckp . no person nak merajuk-merajuk . n the most important is , no person yg nak peluk cium kita b4 gy skola . ma , balik laa . sian abah jaga kitowg sorg-sorg . i know u're so busy . i tried to understand it but sumtymes i have to admit that i need u more ! ma , kadang-kadang ayong jeles tgk org lain dgn mama dia . kita pun ada mama kita gak kan ? cuma mama busy cket jea . takpe . i will try to understand it . i already have accept the fact that my mum is still studying and she has many things to settle with . ma , i miss you ! i love you ! come back as soon as possible kay ? we all miss you . :'(

but , fitrahilyana happy gak tuday ! thnx to Allah . kabulkan doaku selama neyh . ak bersyukur sgt . weh , thnx sbb finally ko text gak aku . ko redakan everything yg aku pikul selama seminggu neyh . even first text ko just say sorry sbb lama tak msg . kay aku faham kdit ko takde . aku tak anggap yg bukan-bukan dah pas nie okay ? thnx again sbb sudi dgr luahan aty aku . sudi nak share ngan aku . i realy appreciate it . thnx again . :)

Fitrah Ilyana

TaK PeGy kE PeGy ?

babe !

i'm officially at my home sweet home now .

ponteng laa tuh gamaknya .

hahahaa .

miss ong , sorry tak dtg !

hehe .

ptg neyh da start perkampungan .

nak pegy ke tak nak pegy ?

fitrahilyana !

u have to teach person , am i right ?

so , takan ko nak biakan dorg cm tuh yek .

they're your responsibility .

naaaaahhhh , now wake up from the chair and siap !

pergi skolah !

okok . i will .

daa ~

BeBaS BeRLaRi !

babe ! omg ! omg ! fitrahilyana dah bebas buat seketika . hahaa . the feeling was so great . as if i am playing the snow at ireland now . wahahaa . couldn't describe it in words . i could smile now . for a while . b4 i got back the 'beautiful-and-nice' results . terbaek dari ladang . hahaa . nasib ko la fitrah . sape suh memaen jwb exam . memetik kata-kata sumone . " takpe . tade harapan dah nak struggle sumatif . trial kita bwat betul-betul ." hahaa . it was funny act . is it true nak struggle tyme trial ? buleh ? ty tyme trial ckp plak . SPM bwat la elok-elok . tyme uh i think we should recite Yaasin byk-byk kowt . nazak gle dah tuh . beyond live and death . ;) . okay , now for the tyme being , i malas nak pk pape dah . even tak ley kowt tak pk pape . haih . complicated nye life neyh . complicated sbb taktau how to make it simpler . haiyo . masalah btol . tak suka konflik ! hate dilemma ! esok nak dtg ke tak eh ? baru jea dah nekad nak ponteng . last-last tadi miss ong ckp : pagi esok kita ada satu lagi slot ya . we'll learn combination . wat ! spoil gler laa . then , now dlm dilemma nak pegy ke taknak esok . eh gemok ! tak sedar add math ko hancor smlm ? ada hati nak ponteng gy . alaa . hancor sbb tak study . bukan ponteng . hahaa . lebih kurang laa tuh mek . nak tau nape hancor ? sbb sunday org laen blaja aku bwat keje laen ! padan muka . hahaa . now scroll down !

11.00 pagi :D

then ,
2.15 petang plak ;)

consequences nya ?
fitrahilyana tak dpt jawab add math dgn cemerlang semalam . sbb tak study ! hahaha .
konon nak release tension ! amek kau . agy tensyen ada . hahaa . taklah . okay jea .
benda dah lepas en . bia jea laa . dpt result berdengung la plak . wee . ;)
eh cop ! dating dgn sape sunday ry tuh smpy lupa diri masuk panggung smpy 2 kali ea ?
ha nk tau , scroll agy ke bawah . :)

hehe :D

mamat neyh laa yg sudi menyerah diri jd pakwe sehari aku . thnx adek a.k.a gemok sbb teman ayong seharian ry tuh . baru now ayong sedar ayong syg ko sgt-sgt . sbb ko baek gler ! sumpah ! ko ikut jea mana ayong heret ko en . dah touching ! jgn nges laa . dats wat adek made for kan ? thnx mukhriz . ty kita kuar berdua agy nak ? ;)

~ the bond of love was so great ! ~
dats wat the conclusion is . randomly thought . for him maybe . :)

- Fitrah Ilyana -

mRePeK ?

Babe ? r u there ? i'm here now . to share . randomly . is it proper to say it here ? i was so confused . with my own self . ahhh . dat will always be my major problem . to take a decision , to choose between two . it will always be a difficult thing to do . gahh . fitrahilyana . wake up please ? no more stupid questions ! wat should i do ? is it the best decision for me ? am i deserve to get that if i made this ? wat if i made a wrong thing and regret it finally ? wat other pepel will think if i'm doing this ? naaahhh . it's enuff fit . try to be more matured . can u ? err . can i ? oh god . now u did it again . dun ever curious about your own ability boleh tak ? mama always said . tuh la masalah kamu . tak confidence dgn diri sendiri . pedulikan apa org ckp . ur life is ur life . but then i said . tp ma , i couldn't live without every single important person around me . i'm just a piece of jigsaw puzzle at the middle . and i was completed by another pieces around me so that i will be perfectly seen . is it ? y am i talking bout this so sudden ? ntah . setelah menyedari kebodohan diri mungkin . da la fitrahilyana . the past is always the past . wake up ! build urself again . please ! u still got many things to achieve right ? ur own vission syg . so , wat r u waiting for ? fight ! fight ! fight ! show to everybody that u can also be a success pepel . prove it ilyana !

nota kaki 1 : aku sayang ko weh .
nota kaki 2 : ireland , wait for me !
nota kaki 3 : tibe-tibe ase nak tukar layout plak . buleh ? gila betol .
nota kaki 3 : my bed is waiting for me . zzZzzZzZzz ...

Truly

Fitrah Ilyana

GaHhh ! TaK sUKa !

je vous déteste , mais je vous taime !

* i hate you but i love you . got it ?

Truly,
-Fitrah Ilyana-

pLeaSe !

i WisH u cOuLd Do ThiS !

~RéPonDeZ s'iL VouS pLaîT~
-VeUiLLeZ RéPoNdRe-


:'(