SHATTERED

AWAK BENAR-BENAR BUAT SAYA HILANG ARAH MALAM NIE .

TERIMA KASIH BANYAK-BANYAK .

SOUL TO SOUL

Babe . eheeee ape sengih2 haa ? poyo jea kann nak hapdate blog slalu2 pas neyh . tapi hampeh . haha . bukan ape lahhh . haaa alasan2 ! haha . taklah2 bukan taknak hapdate tapi taktau nak ckp ape . ngeee . nothing special happened lately . i've been busy with my new sem stuff . with notes , new things come in , susun nota , kemas itu , kemas ini . and roommate tercinta , Emira Ezuna berazam nak jadikan bilik kami seperti istana . cehh ayat dia . haha taklahh nak hias bilik kami bia sedap mata mmandang cket . hehe . now , sem 2 dah masuk second week . still having my leisure time . just ada lecture only . bolehlahh balek lecture terus kejar katil qada' tidow . haha but next week no more tdow2 . tutorial and lab dah start . -.-" mknanya weekends neyh dahh kena buat tutorial already . alamakkk rutin harian yang membosankan dah ckp hello dahh . takpe ilyana . bukan lama punn . april 2012 dah habess dahhh . bolehh rehat puas2 dahh lpas tuh . tapi jalan ke situ bukan mudah . ingat tuhh ilyana . so keep on the track . jangan ilang fokus . remember your aim . you have to girl . so what's more ? weekends lepas , saya busy berulang-alik ke hospital . why ? saya sihat lahh gila . anak pak long , angah , accident . but beransur pulih now . pray for him , guys . please ? but , everythings happened for a reason kan . hopefully kejadian neyh akan lebih menyedarkan dia dan kembarnya , mel supaya lebih menghargai idup . what touched me more is the love between both the twins . first person yang angah tanya bila dy sedar is his twin . mreka kembar seiras , so dilahirkan in one placenta . thats why they both are said to have the same soul . aku tak tahu ape yang ada di hati mel tapi maybe dia juga rasa betapa sakitnya angah . kite hanya mampu melihat . tapi aku pasti , dlm hati mel , dia seribu kali lebih terseksa melihat kembar yang tak penah langsung terpisah dengan dia terbaring lesu atas katil . and aku tahu dia sedih sebab every time dia tgk angah , dia memang akan nanges . and there's one time , when angah ckp dia nak mel , mama pnggil mel . mama suruh dia pegang tgn angah , pnggil angah and try bagi semangat kat angah . but dia said nothing ! tak kua sepatah punnn perkataan dari mulut dia . tak terkeluar agaknyaa . yup incident tuh mmg buat aku nanges and make me realize the reality of the twins . berkongsi jiwa dan rasa yang sama . knapa lahh sebelum neyh aku tak penah nmpak smue tuhh . and aku nekad , lepas neyh aku ingin memahami 2 jiwa kecil ini dengan lebih dekat lagi . angah , mel be strong . angah ckp angah sayang semua . and mel ckp dia janji takkan buat bnda-bnda mengarut tuhh lagi . ayong harap both of you will keep ur words okie . jauh di sudut hati , aku merasakan akan ada sinar baru di sebalik kejadian ini . itulahhh keajaiban sepasang kembar . Subhanallah .

P/S : sayang , nak hadiah apee ? :)

Amazed ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

FACT #2

I'm sorry I constantly want to talk to you . I'm sorry when you take long to reply my text , i get mad . i'm sorry if you sleep early , i might sulk for the whole day long . i'm sorry if i say things that might piss you off . i'm sorry if i come off as annoying . i'm sorry if you don't wanna talk to me as much as i wanna talk to you . i'm sorry if i think about you too much and too often . i'm sorry if i tell you about my pointless drama when you don't really care . i'm sorry if i come off as being clingy . its not that i don't understand you , it's just me missing you .

P/S : i do miss my 'keding' damn much . :'(

Gahhhh ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

I'M BACK FELLA !

Babe ! ya allah sumpah aku rindu dekat blog yang dah terbiar lama neyh . bukan aku taknak update ye sayang . tapi final aku yang tunggang terbalik , keadaan rumah yang tiada akses tenet masa cuti sem menyebabkan aku terpaksa berbuat demikian . ahaa sian dia kan ? so sorry dear blog . janji afta this will try to update manyak-manyak . ngeeeeee . now , ilyana dah masuk sem baru . a new start . and i guess tuday is a good start afta all . hope the good onbe will remain to the end of this semester . go baby go ! heeee . what imma doin' currently ? blogging . baru lepas makan mixed cowboy dengan roommate tercinta , Emira Ezuna , so tersandar kekenyangan . sumpah rindu dengan rutin makan saya di kolej setelah 2 weeks membesarkan badan di umah . now im no longer slim . im chubby already . kebaya dah agak ketat . OMG ! haha okay whats more ? kepenatan setelah pulang dari penang tepat 12am mlm tadi . ye , abes MUET yang mcm hape ary sabtu ary tuh , mama abah kidnap saya dari kolej dan angkut saya ke penang for a night hols . sungguh tak best kan ? tapi saya tetap bersyukur . haha poyo ! then kat sana , rayau-rayau Bukit Bendera . ohhh happynya idup ilyana . mcm takde masalah padahal esoknya dah start sem baru kan ? bagus ilyana . lupa kan diri anda slaloo . the scenery there was amazing . tapii sayang tak dpt jalan puas2 sebab dah lambat nak pegy kenduri . ohhh sayang , jumm pergi sana nanti ? hehe mengade . mcm lahh org nak bawak ko pmpuan . how's MUET ? errrrrr , speechless . tuh jea . nak kata susah , tak sangat . tapi nak kata senang , ko ingat ko minah saleh nak berlagak ilyana ? haha so kesimpulannya byase2 jea . nak band 5 pls ? ohhh gila kau pmpuan . haha . but ary tuh i'm struggling cket to start my writing becuz dah 2 weeks tak pegang pen langsyng kan ? study pun tak . masuk exam buta-buta , then mcm lost cket at first . my writing dah adik-beradik dengan cacing kerawit . bergulung-gulung . tapi lama-lama it was better . haha i'm improved what ! ngeeee . now having my first week in sem 2 . still leisure time . takde tutorial , no lab as well . but penuhh dengan taklimat . kejadahnyaa lahh taklimat bagai . aku nekad taknak pegy taklimat dahh pas neyh . bukan ada function sgt punn . cukuplahh tadi sekali aku pegy . BOSAN ! titik . haha ilyana memang degil . dah diam ! okaylahh so long kann ? got to take my bath now . balek lecture smpy skunk tak mandi-mandi . ngeee . daa peeps . muahh !

P/S : saya nak merajuk dengan awak lama-lama  :(

Glad ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

FLOPPERS

Babe ! 2 papers done . 7 more to go before the leisure time . gahhhh . a day was exactly like a year . enuff with english ilyana . tired of struggling to find the right words , the correct terms of writing the essays . ughhh . it was disaster . i know i'm suck on writing . so , no offence baby . it just a small piece . after all , it only the internal MUET aite ? just let it go . concentrate on the real MUET next 19th . wuhuuuu . in fact , reading , listening and speaking can cover this mess of writing paper perhaps ? ahaaaaa . clever ilyana . so , what's up ? how's the physics 1 ? just okay . yes , i mean it . just okay . no time to re-check . yeah ilyana was so particular of underlining the answer , writing in the most neat ways of all , bla bla bla . dats why you got no time to check back . hahaha . i just wish that i didn't make the silly and careless mistakes . that's all i hope . because everybody knows that ilyana was so fussy in doing everything . ngeeee . that's it . concentrate on the chemistry 1 and reproduction ilyana . so that it would not be as s*** as the FB0111 (4) one . ahaaaa . ignore it . fer now , daaa peeps ! i wanna take a nap for a while . hehe :DD

P/S : terima kasih on call dengan saya sampai pagi . :)

Drowning ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

HASIL KERJA ILYANA

Babe ! this is what ilyana did when she was alone and macam nak gile study for final . enjoy this crazy things from ilyana then :) Fatin , tengoklahh panda anda beraksi . lepaskan rindu anda setelah sekian lama tak jumpa saya tau ! fitrah ilyana yang fatin kenal dulu , tak segemok sekarang ! omaigod ! :DDDDD

rajinnya bear-bear saye study kan ?

Chenta hati saya :)

Panda BB

Bear Fira !

Bahagia benar muka dia :D

Eh ? tak kenal kan ?

Muka mintak penampar

Perempuan melayu terakhir

Cantek wallpaper - coretan rasa hati :P

Fatin , Amy , dah lepas rindu ? panda awak semakin membesar kan ? heee i miss you ! mmuahh !

Crazier ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

BIO MANIAC

Babe , i'm freakin' out nervous thinking of the upcoming final in just a few days . haihhhh ilyana . you can suffer from now on . yeah i'm struggling and suffering now . grrrrrr . you make me hypertense , final . well done !

I'm studying bio right now and it was all messed up in my mind . with the bryopyhtes , pteridophyte , angiosperm , hormonal control , reproduction , life cycle , sporangia , bla bla bla . gahhhhh pls treat me well , biology . i was only about to flip on En Mahassan's notes . i'm not doing anything on Dr. Shida's and Puan Mahanum's . ohhh ilyana , you're so dead ! where is the reproduction notes ? male , female hormonal control ? oogenesis ? spermatogenesis ? taenia sp ? echinodermata ? phylum ? animalia ? gahhhhh . i'm getting crazier pepel . i should open up my notes now . wake up ilyana ! -.-"

Kasihani aku ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

FACE THE BOOK

Ilyana , keep this in your mind and nailed it in your heart , please .

"Never take someone for granted .

Hold every person close to your heart .

Because you may wake up one day ,

And realize that you've lost a diamond ,

While you were too busy collecting stones ."

Physics , please be nice okie ? jgn kusutkan minda dan akal fikiran sy . many things to be catch up menjelang final . you know your ability , ilyana !

P/S : mon âme soeur , je t'aime . :)

Study mood ON ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

FACT #1

OUR BABY :)

Those minutes where i'm alone , just me and my pillow . I think . Like a lot . I think about everything , anything . It varies from "What am i doing with my life?" to "Do you really love me?" The room is so silent , but my mind is so loud . It drives me crazy because the things I would never think about , I think about . Sometimes , I hate it because it brings up things I rather never think about again . The split second before sleep is the most active second of my life .

P/S : Thank you for making me feel like really alone tonight . =.="

Rejected ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

MUET ? WOOHOOOO

Babe !

MUET was so freaking 'awesome' ! =.="

memang what the ........ lahh kan . haihhh

just forget it ilyana . enuff for that .

it past already .

concentrate for another component .

3 more waiting ilyana .

reading , writing and listening .

dah2 , jgn pkir lagi dah .

put aside the toilet cleaner thing .

after all , it was the job that contribute the most in society though . hahhhhh

P/S : sayang , i need you .

Band 5 please ?

Fitrah Ilyana .

MUET FREAK :O

Babe ! i'm currently at UM . and counting days HOURS for external real MUET speaking test . omaigod , it was so scary okay ! i'm keep thinking of how i'm gonna talk , how if i don't hv point to talk to , how i'm supposed to behave , how if i got blank suddenly , how if i'm stucked at the middle and struggling to find the suitable words , how this , how that and bla bla bla . haihhhhh . just relax ilyana . u will be just fine after all . as if ? yes , as if . no matter how you're gonna cool myself down , i'm still nervous all over the time . pray fer me guys . till then , daaaa ~

P/S : sayang , ada orang cakap saya sweet . haha :DD

Your fair lady ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

SECRET BUBBLING

A kiss on the lips means

I LOVE YOU

A kiss on the ear means

YOU ARE SPECIAL

A kiss on the nose means

LAUGHTER

A kiss on the cheek means

FRIENDSHIP

A kiss on the forehead means

I COMFORT YOU

A kiss on the back of your hand means

I ADORE YOU

A kiss on the shoulder means

YOU ARE WONDERFUL

A kiss anywhere else means

BE CAREFUL

Playing with your hair means

I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU

Holding your hand means

HAPPINESS

Arms around your waist means

YOU'RE MINE AND I NEED YOU

A hug means

I CARE

Nibbling on your ear means

START WARMING UP

Smiling at each other means

I LIKE YOU

Lifting eyebrows / winking means

FLIRTATION

Looking around means

HIDING FEELINGS

A tender kiss on the side of your lips means

YOU'RE MINE

Wetting your lips mean

WAITING FOR A KISS

A tear drop means

I'M LOSING YOU

Crying means

I LOST YOU

When she stares at your mouth

KISS HER

When she pushes or hits you like a dumb ass cause she thinks that she's stronger than you

GRAB HER AND DON'T LET GO

When she starts cursing at you and and trying to act tough

KISS HER AND TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER

When she's quiet

ASK WHAT'S WRONG

When she ignores you

GIVE HER YOUR ATTENTION

When she pulls away

PULL HER BACK

When you see her at her worst

TELL HER SHE'S BEAUTIFUL

When you see her start crying

JUST HOLD HER AND DON'T SAY A WORD

When you see her walking

SNEAK UP BEHIND HER AND HUG HER WAIST FROM BEHIND

When she's scared

PROTECT HER

When she steals your favorite stuff

LET HER KEEP IT AND SLEEP WITH IT FOR A NIGHT

When she doesn't answer for a long time

REASSURE HER THAT EVERYTHING'S OKAY

When she looks at you with doubt

BACK YOURSELF UP

When she says she likes you

SHE REALLY DOES MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW !

When she bumps into you

BUMP HER BACK AND MAKE HER LAUGH

When she tells you a secret

KEEP IT SAFE AND UNTOLD

When she looks at you in your eyes

DON'T LOOK AWAY UNTIL SHE DOES

When she says it's over

SHE STILL WANT YOU TO BE HERS

This is me ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

HATIKU MILIKMU

Di sisimu aku terdiam seribu bahasa

Di hatiku bergetar sejuta rasa

Nafasku terhenti bila melihat dirimu

Terasa pantas degupan jantungku

Mungkinkah hatiku milikmu jua

Ku sayang padamu........

Note untuk kau kawan ,

Terima kasih buat aku macam neyh .

Terima kasih sebab ko buat aku hilang rasa percaya kat kau .

and if one day ,

aku perlukan pertolongan ,

aku janji dengan diri aku ,

bukan kau yang aku cari .

Thank you for everything .

Now baru aku tahu , nilai ertinya kawan bagi kau .

Fine .

Don't worry , aku tak akan benci kau .

Sebab mama aku tak pernah ajar aku untuk membenci orang lain .

Tapi , mulai hari neyh jangan salahkan aku andai aku berlagak asing dengan kau , sebab aku tak mahu terkena lagi .

cukuplah maruah dan nilai harga diri aku dipijak-pijak .

Sayang ,

Fitrah Ilyana .

FROWN

Babe . can i cry the most out loud now ? why ? it was complicated to talk about . complicated enuff to tell everything in words . ilyana ke yang terlebih sensitif ? ilyana ke yang salah ? ilyana e yang jahat ? yee semua ilyana . puas kan ? puas dapat buat hati kecil neyh rasa serba salah yang teramat sangat . aku ke yang tak memahami hati dan perasaan orang laen ? bukan aku membabi buta melakukan sesuatu tindakan . bukan aku tak cuba . aku cuba untuk jadi insan yang memahami setiap hati dan nurani orang sekeliling aku . tapi apakan daya . aku juga manusia biasa . aku tak mampu nak memuaskan hati semua orang . tapi ,,, aku mohon sedikit pengertian dari terus menghukum aku . boleh kan ma ? i demand your understanding . i demand your attention .  should i beg to get your full attention back to me again ? memang kita cemburu ma . memang kita sedih . bila perhatian yang selama neyh tertumpu dekat kita terbahagi 2 and peratus nya lebih kepada dia . siapa kita sebenarnya ? can i get my mama back ? ya allah , tabahkan hatiku Ya Allah . berikan aku petunjuk-Mu . sesungguhnya hati ini mula berfikir yang bukan-bukan . bantu hamba-Mu mengharungi ujian ini . Ma , kita minta maaf andai kita tak mampu jadi anak yang memahami , anak yang taat , anak yang menurut kata . tapi kita nak mama tahu yang kita dah cuba yang terbaik untuk memuaskan hati semua orang . tapi , bila kita dipaksa untuk membuat pilihan , tersekat dalam dilema , kita harap mama faham yang kita terpaksa buat mcm tuh . bukan niat kita mengetepikan mama tapi it just that i cannot do anything . pls mama forgive me . 

Tuhan tolong yakinkan aku , aku masih di sini . :'(

GLOOMY

Babe . i'm in my sad mood tuday . semuanya tak kena . lab physics aku mcm tut . kelam-kabut , selekeh keja , tak kemas langsung . tensyennyaaa . ye , aku tahu aku perfectionist . then so what ? memang aku tak puas hati dengan report aku tadi . percentage error tinggi pun jadi hal kan ilyana ? haih diamlahh . i don't know what happened to ilyana tuday . mood swing and yet she became sooo sensitive . maybe the main reason is because her handphone broke kowt . ye , phone sony aku screen dy rosak . mcm hape jea rasa kan bila seharian takde phone . hesh . hari neyh memang hari sensitive aku kowt . dengan semua orang aku nak kecik hati . sepanjang masa aku rasa nak nanges . aku rasa mcm nak jerit jea , please someone be nice with me hari neyh ! unfortunately , aku tak rasa mcm tuh pun . even the closest one also annoying sangat-sangat . please don't throw away those harsh words to me . aku manusia , bukan batu takde perasaan . dahlahh ilyana , merungut pun takkan merubah ape-ape . so , just stop sighing and survive . you can do it even if you think you're alone . smile pls , dear ? :')

P/S : sorry , i'm not in mood tuday .

Striving ,

Ilyana .